Loki Misses the Asgardian Prison System

Chapter175

None of the Avengers come to see Loki when they return.

It's probably for the best. He wouldn't know what to do if he had to talk to somebody right now.

He hasn't moved a muscle since the Quinjet took off. He couldn't even bring himself to step onboard with the others. He couldn't bring himself to talk to anybody, to look at anybody. He just wants to sit here in absolute silence, until...

Well, until he doesn't.

He closes his eyes, taking a deep breath in and letting it out slowly through his mouth. He hasn't had such a hard time quieting his mind since he was a child first learning to meditate. All he can see in his head is the building up in flames and the poor people inside of it. A part of him wonders how many of them survived. A part of him is sure he doesn't want to know.

He gently strokes Snowflake's head with the back of his hand. What he wouldn't give to be an innocent little cat, oblivious to the horrors of the world.

Maybe he should turn some music on. If he has to think about something, he'd rather it be Taylor Swift – or he could put a movie on, even; Owen Wilson never fails to make him feel better. But he doesn't want to taint his favorite things like that. Maybe he'll be up for it tomorrow. Time will tell.

For now, he's just going to sit here in silence and–

"You didn't kill them. I'm impressed."

Loki opens his eyes, and he finds himself in Himinbjorg – Heimdall's doing, of course; this is the last place he wants to be right now, and he certainly wouldn't have chosen this himself.

"If I'd thought I could get away with it, I assure you, I would have," Loki tells him. It's not as though he and Wanda brought those men back unharmed. He would have killed them. He wanted to kill them. But that temporary satisfaction wouldn't have been worth getting Asgard involved. It wouldn't have been worth being sent back to the dungeon.

"Yet you very nearly did until you thought better," Heimdall remarks. "There was a time their actions would not have upset you so."

"And there was a time in which you would have left me alone," Loki deadpans. "Unfortunately, times do change." He scratches the top of Snowflake's head. He can't see her, but he can feel her shift in his lap. He'd like to think it's a happy, contented shift. He'd like to think that at least somebody is having a good time right now.

"As do people, it seems," Heimdall remarks.

Loki just rolls his eyes. He's not in the mood for this. "What do you want with me, Heimdall?"

"Only to talk," Heimdall replies. "Your good deeds did not go unnoticed – nor your grief at those you couldn't save."

Couldn't.

He hates that choice in words.

They're not people he couldn't save; they're people he didn't save. There are a dozen different ways this could have gone. He's been watching them play out in his head, over and over and over. There are a dozen moments where he could have acted differently, acted smarter, and he could have helped so many people if he did.

"You saved countless lives today in a battle you have no part in," Heimdall says. "You cannot blame yourself for the ones that were lost."

"And I think it's very presumptuous of you to say that I do," Loki says coldly. "They were strangers – they were humans; they had no more than a few decades left to live regardless. Why should I care what happened to them?"

"Because, despite what you may want everybody to believe," Heimdall says, "you're a good person, Loki."

Loki just scowls. This is ridiculous. He didn't ask for this. He didn't ask for a conversation, a lecture, a pep talk. He just wanted to be alone with his thoughts – but then, he never does get what he wants, does he?