t h i r t y - t h r e e

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I go to his office at lunchtime, after promising myself to not cry. It's been an anxious morning. I sit down in front of his chair and wait for him.

He seems to be in some long meeting.

After a while, I notice his fragrance and realise I had drowsed. I open my eyes to him intently looking at me.

My focus goes to his neck, "Is it okay?" I gesture to my neck, looking at his.

"Yea, it seems fine," his cheery voice calms me down.

"Cool," I leave.

Life could be so much better if I let the morning be a morning and focus on now.

When Azaan's okay with me, everything's okay.

Life's fabulous these days.

I have all I could ever ask God for.

It's beautiful. I had never imagined life to be so perfect. It's all I didn't even know I wanted.

There's no urge to relapse, it hasn't been there in three weeks.

Yes, okay, there are mornings like these but isn't that normal? How would I appreciate the good parts of life if there were no other part except for the good part.

There needs to be a bad part and I need to get over it.

I decide to start afresh.

I pick my handbag all excited and decide to leave office earlier today and surprise Azaan with some frosted cupcakes.

The plan changes right as I reach home.

It's brownies and chocolate cookies now.

My mouth salivates with the thought of it and I get started.

Baking is so relaxing, it releases serotonin throughout my body.

I laugh at the word. That's what cuddling gives him. That's when I heard the word for the first time. From him. On a Friday evening. Talking about me.

The way mama has always told me the opposite,

"God knows what sin I've committed to have you."

When the brownies are in the oven and the dough for the cookies is ready, I sit down and thank Allah for everything he has blessed me with.

Azaan's changed my life completely, all for the good.

I wonder how I used to live life before. What did I use to think? It was all so pointless. I had no passion, no hobby and I didn't even want to get married. What did future look like for me?

I used to live so carelessly, depression was written for me. It was in my fate.

Someday I'd get tired of that life.

ShukarAlhamdulillah for Azaan. He brought spice to my life. Okay, maybe with some downsides, but it all ended up so beautiful.

Thank you, thank you, thank you Allah.

The oven beeps and I rush to check the brownies.

I hear Azaan's keys while I insert the toothpick and ensure the brownies are perfectly baked. I hear him yelling my name and grin taking the brownies out, wondering how Azaan would find them. Until they fall down.

I see them all scattered and look up at Azaan, whose face is redder than ever.

I hate him.

Yes, I left without informing him. Okay, he got worried. I'm very irresponsible for leaving my phone there and hence fueling his tension since he wasn't able to contact me in any way.

Zehnaseeb ✓Where stories live. Discover now