t w e n t y - s i x

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[Look. I'm sorry, okay?
I'm genuinely sorry.

Also, I'm sorry if a lot of talking is not your thing, but it's essential in a relationship. Esp, a relationship going through a hardship.



I sob out Azaan's name as I walk to the washroom.

Because he loves Kylie.

I push my toothbrush in my mouth and turn it on.

No, don't do that again. He only loves you.


Can he please, like specify what he loves in me? Because there is literally nothing.

I look at my stomach as I move the brush around my teeth.

I pull the shirt back, visually measuring my waist.

It hasn't gone down. It's so ugly.

It's impossible to love me.

Fuck, how did I trust him?

But he can't lie like that.

Why would he say that?

Why is his taste so bad?

I'm not attractive.

Maybe I should have listened to Abeer.

Maybe cigarettes will help me lose weight quicker.

He was probably right. Smoking won't be addictive if I control the consumption.

I yell Azaan's name with my toothbrush still in my mouth as a thought strikes in and tears glide down my eyes.

I spit the paste out and wash my face.

I pause and watch my stomach as I breathe.

Whenever I exhale I look uglier. Why can't it stay concave all the time?

I watch his reflection come and slide his arms on my waist.

"Don't you dare think that again. You are fucking beautiful!"

I turn around, "Why did you get angry at me for... merely loving you? You were enjoying until Kylie saw us. You yelled at me because y— our—... that upset her."

"Can you ask this again, later? Because I can't think properly right now."

I hate that he's always thinking of other stuff and diverts my attention too.

Instead of stopping him or pulling away, I lean against his chest.

"That had nothing specific to do with her. I don't want anyone, anyone to know what we do in our intimacy. But— we need to talk about something more important." He says and I mentally groan.

I know we have a therapy session today. I don't want it.

"I know you didn't want to make love, earlier in the morning."


He waits and reads my uncomfortable expression, I almost reluctantly nod when he continues,

"I didn't stop because I didn't want you to think that I don't love you."

He caresses my nose and looks at the drawer while I fidget my fingers.

"Why don't you wear nose pins, anymore?"

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