t h i r t y - s i x

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[Yay! There's still more to the book!]

What the fuck. I'm so jealous of you yaar, matlab market ki sab se loyal partner kise mili? tumhain. sab se khubsoorat? tumhain. sab se haseen? tumhain. sab kuchh toh hai tumhaare paas, zindagi mein aur chaahiye hi kyaa?? bro kaash main tum hoti man i'd kill to be you.

How can I let her go?

Aur by the way, agar main tum hoti main itni boring naa hoti. Nayi nayi shaadi huyi hai banda do din kaam chhorr ke kaheen ghumne hi chalaa jaata hai, hum tumhaare hain sanam nahin dekhi tum ne? I'm not Radha. I'd reciprocate. Radha was such a fool, yaar, who'd ignore a husband like SRK? Not only did he have good looks, he was romantic. She used to be so annoying I promised myself not to be her on my honeymoon. Ahaannn ahaan ahaan ahaan, Azaaaaaan. Why can't you just "aaj? aaj nahin yaar. nahin nahin nahin, aaj bilkul nahin. are nahin maine bol— are dinesh, meri nayi nayi shaadi hui hai yaar, ghar jaaun ga, biwi ke saath baitthoon ga, baat-cheet karoon ga, thori pyaar muhabbat karoon ga uss ke saath, haan tum manaa— are nahin bola naa? meri biwi se zyaada important hai kyaa? are iss ko samjhaa do main nahin aa sakta. tum bol do uss ko." Is it that hard?

I was literally a fucking fool.

It all could have ended before it began.

I watch her calmly resting since the last six hours.

Like it's something she's enjoying.

I'll never forgive her for this.

You don't even love me, I know you'll only start missing me once I die. No, actually. Just the way you don't have time to love me right now, you won't have time to even miss me then.

And all I said to her was Sawera please, I'm coming in five.

If I could go back and change it to No, that's not true. I do love you. I'm sorry, let's listen to your makeup tutorial now and then you'll let me take ten minutes and do my thing, deal? I really truly would change it for anything in the world.

"Mr. Khan, we need to talk." The doctor walks out of the ICU and I stand straight near the window.

As I walk to the cabin, I apologize to Allah for every tiny mistake I've made in life and tell him that if I ever did even a single good then please, as a reward for that, give me my Sawera back.

Her bloodshot eyes come in front of mine again and again.

The doctor has me sit down and my heartbeat fastens. I immensely dislike this feeling.

"Please be straightforward," I request.

~~~

In the last forty eight hours I've cried my eyes out. There's no one who can save her but Allah. I've thought of every single sin and I've tried to fix it all.

I've laid the prayer mat and prayed as many nawaafils as possible.

I've cried to bhai, I've told him I'd rather bear the Chicago prime location building loss than lose Sawera. We've contacted the lady but she's apparently no more.

It's her curses, I know it is. Her tears made me emotional even at the time of the purchase.

I've apologized, I've done everything, yet Sawera's still not responding.

I can't let her enter coma. It's all already going to be hard once she wakes up, I can't let it be so bad.

I sit down next to her and take her hand in mine.

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