Zehnaseeb ✓

f o r t y - f i v e

[Shab bakheir,
but before that,]

"I know Alora, I resigned due to a very stupid reason and I really need the job back." I bite my nail and put the phone as close to my ear as possible.

I just watched Azaan on the repeat telecast of the award ceremony and cleared my mind. If he can lead a simple life after quite a few calm murders then I, someone who hasn't even killed an ant can definitely do it as well.

"You know how impossible Mr. Sanchez is. I'd advise you to get another job. It's much better to work at minimum wage than to work under him. You weren't promoted even once so you'd lose nothing."

The silence from my side lets her know I'm not ready to take her advise.

I feel guilty here, Azaan was right about the comfort thing. I have a dangerous comfort zone and this job is a part of it, I can't think of taking a different route to work and a different work environment no matter how big of a hell this one is.

I can see her rolling her eyes, "Call him, I don't care."

"I know, but what do I say?"

"Tell him you need the job again, what else can you really say? Just don't let him know you aren't looking for any other option. Tell him you went and gave more interviews but are still interested in this job."

I need a dialogue. I need a script. I can't do this.

"Hm, okay then I'll update you in a while."

I cut the call and without thinking much, click call on Mr. Sanchez's number.

Without waiting for a hello from his side, after the last ring I blurt it all out.

"Hello Mr. Sanchez I'm so sorry I shouldn't have left you were right I need this job I need it really badly please consider my application, can I come back to office tomorrow? I have no other way to survive, I'd be very grateful if you could help me out."

That was exactly the opposite of what I was told to do.

Why—

It's okay Sawera. You're a human being. It happens.

I hear an ugly demonic laugh from his side, but instead of his usual long dialogues and what I thought he'd say, he says "For sure Ms. Sawera, you're more than welcome. I'd like to see you in office tomorrow morning."

I look at the clock. 7PM.

The calendar. 7th of March.

Tomorrow? I can join back tomorrow? How did he say that so calmly? He's not been nice to me even once before.

I buzz the confusion away and nod, "thank you, thank you so much. I'll be there. Good night."

I spend the night thinking of Azaan, of how easy his mind is. How okay it all is in his head. It's always been that way.

He's not as complicated as me. Yet he was willing to accept my complications.

Maybe someday he'll marry again.

Maybe, and who knows, maybe really, someday I will move on.

My biggest flex in life will always be that I once had a man who'd do anything for my happiness.

And I don't need to blame myself for ruining his life. This is the way Allah had wanted it to be.

I don't need to live in the guilt of ruining his life. He will be rewarded for what he has done for me.