t w e n t y - t h r e e

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[I can't stop writing Koh-e-Noor, I need some notification reminding me to update this book. I had this written since the last time I posted chapters but forgot to upload.


"Azaan, you're hurting me!" I yell and he throws me against the walk-in closet after dragging me the whole way inside the apartment.

"There's a fine line between innocence and stupidity!" He snarls, "And you have crossed it."

The chewing gum in my mouth slips down my throat as I gulp in the knot.

I've never seen the outline of his eyes this red. Or such burning anger in his pupils.

I don't even need to hear the rest of the scolding, he has already hurt me enough to make me want to die. I stop rubbing my arm to soothe the pain the dragging gave me.

My mind goes blank when I see him shouting and I try to calmly push his chest away but to no avail. He's not even in his senses.

I press myself as far away from him as I can but he has me trapped between the closet and himself.

"You're not a fucking kid, Sawera. Learn to fucking behave. I can't follow every single thing you do. It feels like I'm handling a child! Do you even know how worried I was? What if you fell down? Huh?"

I just look at him, and wonder how long it will take him to get angrier and raise his hand at me.

I hear him repeating the question and scream and squeeze my eyes closed when his fist hits on the closet, near my ear.

"I don't know. I felt better."



If I were Azaan, I would have already strangled Sawera.

"Of course. You enjoy giving me tension. Dadi ammi's got forty-eight fucking hours to live but that's not enough of a worry. YOU had to climb on skyscrapers and walk on their edges without any type of safety gear and that too with that imbecile Abeer who wouldn't take a minute to push you off there just like the cats he throws from terraces and laughs at."

I feel so guilty, so pathetic. Why would I do that? "I'm sorry." A sorry isn't going to fix anything, boofhead.

I'm the imbecile.

He shakes his head, "You... really, amaze me." He moves back and maunders around. "Abeer." He mutters with a hateful chuckle before shifting to the other topic, "You don't care about anything except your own enjoyment, your own peace, your own contentment."

I don't need him to continue to know what he's talking about. That day I left from the hospital, sick of bhabhi mourning for her dead piece of blood clot.

But he continues.

"I'm sorry." I wheeze as low as I can. I can't even complain. He's just telling the truth.

He doesn't accept the apology and keeps going on. I can't blame him. But it hurts.

But I deserve it.

I'm too selfish to care about others. I only think about myself and my happiness. I. am. useless. Why would someone want me?

All I do is ruin things, ruin moods, destroy peace, get into others relationships, push myself on people, crave for attention, eat, get fat...

Fuck it all.

I just need a blade on my wrist to end it all.

"I'm not raising a child, Sawera. Please become a bit more responsible."

Zehnaseeb ✓Where stories live. Discover now