Zehnaseeb ✓

s i x t e e n

[Yep, double (almost triple) update.
Enjoy!]

"Hey." I walk into the big cabin and look around. From all four, two walls are just big pieces of glass attached to the cement on the other two walls.

Dr. Samina looks approximately fourty years old, and I feel comfortable with the wrinkles around her brown eyes creasing with the wide smile. I sit down as she gestures me to take a seat and smile back. Her jeans and kurta make her look thirty, and the bun in which her thin but shiny hair is tied reminds me of Azaan's mother.

I look at her desk and see a picture of what looks like a ten year old boy. I smile at it. Pakistani mums are just so comfortable to be around.

Her skin is loose and warm, and I don't think I'll be afraid of telling her anything. She looks exactly what she is supposed to look like. A psychologist.

She tells me a bit about herself and starts asking me if there is any main problem or I came for counselling, she calls me funny because not everyone writes 'I want a Pakistani counselor' in a form and I smile, telling her that it'll be easier for me to open up since Pakistani women know more about the culture and I won't have to explain much or hide anything.

"Can we like, go to that bed thing?" I point towards the couch. "Because this doesn't look dramatic and I want it to be dramatic so I get in that emotional mood that makes me want to confess, you know."

She laughs and walks me to it after the basic questions.

The next week, I walk in the same office again and this time, instead of telling her the whole story, I vent out that Azaan smelt like Kylie when he came home.

Three days later, I confess to her that I've never tried to speak to him after that sneezing day. He did, but only twice and after seeing no good response from my side, he gave up as well and looks quite satisfied with his life.

But two weeks later he talks to me and when I tell him that I need just a bit of more time, he calls my brother to help us solve this because he's tired of trying.

It doesn't get solved. I just cry and cry and they tell me to calm down but it all ends up with, "I promise, one more month and I'll be fine."

Azaan goes out of town for a business conference and I have to live in his mansion for a week.

On the first day, I pretend being sick and don't eat anything. The rest of the days, I can't be impolite and have to eat with his family. I purge it all out by vomiting.

One day, I'm scrolling for relationship tips on Pinterest, and in the evening I try to make use of one tip. I sit down with Palwasha and bhabhi and try to learn more about Azaan.

And when I learn that Azaan rejected many proposals before me, and that I'm the first girl he has ever liked, I see it all clear.

He thought I'm stupid and it would be easier for him to lie to me and to hide his relationship.

Azaan comes back that night and we spend the night in his mansion. For the first time in so long, we stay in the same room, but I choose the couch and he just groans at me.

And I thank God that he doesn't love me, otherwise he'd try harder and ask me what the problem is and I wouldn't know how to explain. But he is clearly much happier without me. I see him smile more often now.

Weeks just go by and there comes my birthday week.

I wait for Azaan to go to the washroom so I can modify the date.

He might have taken a general look of his calendar and he might remember that it's this month. I slide in his room and to not get him suspicious, I change the date to a week later.