Stupid Supergirl AU's

Danger

"I'm going to kill you!" Yelena yelled at Natasha.
"Not if I kill you first!" Natasha argued.
"Yelena Belova and Natasha Romanoff! Put the guns down this instant!" Lena stepped in.
"But-"
"No buts! You are both acting like Alex! Put the guns down!" Lena lectured.
"But she started it!" Natasha whined.
"No! You did!" Yelena shoved her.
"Go to your rooms! And don't come out until you plan to apologise to one another." Lena disciplined.
"Holy shit, I just had a flashback to when Mom would discipline me." Lori sat up. "Now she's going to be in a mood for the next-"
"What did you say Lori?" Lena glared at her.
"Nothing Mom, love you." Lori kissed her cheek and ran upstairs.

Moments later, Lori, Nat, Yelena and Wanda were training together. Lori and Nat were taking on Yelena and Wanda. Lori stopped as something other passed by her face.
"Was that a fucking desk?" Lori watched as it hit the wall.
"Sorry, I got carried away." Yelena admitted.
"How did you even manage to throw that?" Wanda looked at her.
"With great difficulty." Yelena admitted.
Nat, ignoring the whole Yelena threw a desk thing, managed to do her iconic crotch-grab move and get Wanda on the ground, holding her down by keeping her knee on Wanda's chest.
"Stay down." Natasha ordered, looking down at Wanda.
Yelena spear-tackled Natasha off of Wanda, each of them rolling and tumbling until rolling perfectly into Natasha's pose. Yelena immediately stood up, shivering.
"Ew! that was disgusting." Yelena was quick to grab a bag from the weapons rack, facing Natasha.
"Oh no." Natasha's eyes went wide, "Yelena, put it down."
"Huh?" Yelena looked at the bat, "This wasn't for you. I wasn't going to beat you with it." Yelena looked at the bat, "It's got a crack in the handle. I was going to go show Lena that she needs to buy new weapons." Yelena stepped closer to show Natasha, "See?"
Natasha took the bait and leaned in to take a look at the bat, which inevitably ended with Yelena holding her in a chokehold - using the bat.
Lori and Wanda watched as Nat managed to slip out of the chokehold, throwing Yelena to the ground and holding her down.
"Hello ladies." Lillian said, leaning on the doorframe.
"Lillian?" Everyone jinxed, turning around to look at her.
"Lena's looking for you lot." Lillian told them, then turned to the sisters, "And if I were you, I'd probably wipe the blood off your face."
Lori and Wanda looked to each other, nodding to one another.
"Why is she looking for us?" Lori asked.
"Because you're not in your rooms." Lillian said condescendingly, walking out of the room.
Yelena tapped on Lori's shoulder, "Is anyone else finding this suspicious?"
"Perfectly normal Luthor behaviour. Nothing suspicious about it." Lori said, her voice drenched with sarcasm.

~Exactly twenty minutes later~

"How did Lillian manage to kidnap a Kryptonian, a witch who can read minds and two assassins?" Lena sighed heavily.
"Same way she managed to be the favourite grandmother." J'onn replied, "She knows how to get to Lorelei."
"That doesn't explain the Wanda and the sisters." Kara pointed out.
"Yes it does." Lena spoke up, "Wanda will do anything Lori wants her to do and Yelena's Lori's best friend. Not to mention Nat will do anything to protect her sister. It's like a chain reaction, and Lori's the main ingredient."
"Weren't they just trying to kill each other?" Alex asked.
"Yeah, but how many times have we all tried to kill each other. Take Lena and I for example." Kara glanced over to Lena.
Lena, reading Wanda's Darkhold, "Huh?" She looked up to Kara, "Shut up, I'm reading."
"Isn't that Wanda's big book of spooky spells?" Nia gestured to it.
Lena, sipping her tea and turning a page, "Uh huh. It's been interesting reading about her."
"Lena, that is bad magic!" Carol pointed out.
Lena closed the book slowly, looking at Carol, "And?"
"It's dangerous!" Carol warned.
"Does that mean Lena is going to get a fun red magic glow?" Kara said excited.
"I think it means that Wanda's not the only one with magic hands-"
As Alex spoke, Lori came crashing through the wall, "I heard Wanda and magic hands in the same sentence. What are we talking about?"
"Lori! Go back to your grandmother's, we were coming up with a rescue plan." Lena pointed to the door.
"But I'm already homeee." Lori complained.
"Lorelei." Lena said sternly, "Don't make me call you by your full name."
"How is that a threat?" Carol asked.
"It's initiates the Luthor protocol at the fortress. Anyone with Luthor DNA can't get in or out." Lori explained, "And that's where Wanda and I go to have se-ice cream!" Lori covered, "We have ice cream because it's the perfect temperature to enjoy it."
Lena pressed a button on her watch, "Lorelei Samantha Danvers-Luthor."
"Mom!" Lori yelled, "Why'd you do that?!"
"Because there is to be no sex in the fortress. It's too dangerous." Lena told her.
Kara looked surprised and semi-hurt, "Wait, what? No sex in the fortress? But that's not fun!"
"Kara." Lena glared, "You're not helping."