𝑺 𝑬 𝑹 𝑬 𝑵 𝑰 𝑻 𝒀 (18+)

twenty-five

                                      N O A H

                                         ♥

My father loved you, he'd made that abundantly clear. After he'd walked in on our kiss at Ivy, he stayed behind at my house to speak with me. I think his exact words were, "I like her." I was perplexed; he'd only known you for all of forty seconds but he loved you.

You reminded him of his younger years, the man he was before he settled down with my mother. He'd never tell her but he missed those days. The days when he would sneak around with a woman his parents never approved of. He was born into wealth and his parents wanted him to find someone of equal importance. As a rebellious twenty-something of course he rejected his parent's ideals, he was in love, fuck what anyone else had to say.

The unnamed woman made his heart flutter, she gave his life meaning, purpose. Don't have me mistaken he loved my mother. He loved the children she'd given him, but there was nothing quite like that first love for him—

He thought you'd be that for me. The woman that made me realize there was more to life than signing contracts and making deals. That life was more than going home to an empty house and enjoying it. I didn't take him seriously, actually, I remember me laughing at the ridiculous notion altogether. You were great but love was something I never intended on feeling.

"You'll see son. One day you're going to realize you were so caught up in that woman, you didn't even see it coming."

My father liked to think of himself as a matchmaker. The smile that lingered on his face as he turned his back to me told me he had more than a few things up his sleeves. That was why I wasn't surprised when he waltzed into our rental house that morning with you not too far behind him. You, with your hair in a bun that had more than a few fly aways. You looked tired like you had barely gotten any sleep the night before but you were still radiant. My mother groaned when she took in your appearance and I remembered why I hadn't invited you myself. I didn't take you as one to back down easily but my mother had been so unreasonably aggressive lately, it wasn't fair of me to subject you to that for lust.

There was a worry on your face. The same worried look you had with me often. Was I really that uptight? It was just, the job had done such a number on me. There was no place for joking and laughing. I couldn't indulge in simple things and run Ivy, let alone have it be as successful as it was. A smile was a weakness in business, a laugh was irresponsibility. And the simple things? they meant you were underqualified for the job.

Though it wasn't rare for an assistant to join their boss on his trips, you knew there would be talk. What was truly cruel of you was wearing that red dress that I wanted to so desperately free you from. My God Serenity you were a picture of perfection. I had been admiring you a few times throughout the afternoon until that bastard approached you.

I wasn't a violent man. There were more effective ways of getting what I wanted, but I wanted to hurt him. The way that he looked at you, spoke about you, I wanted to kill him. I wanted to bring him to his hands and knees and make him beg for your forgiveness for every second he'd made you uncomfortable.

But you weren't the type of woman who wanted or needed to be saved, so I let you handle him yourself. I only felt the need to interject when I saw you raise your hand to strike him. Though I would've happily watched you smack the poor excuse of a man, I knew his words would've tainted you. I would've stood behind you no matter the cost, but I wouldn't let him ruin you.

We both knew he'd get what he deserved.

But that's not what this is about, this isn't about Dominic Bullion or anyone else for that matter. This is about us.

Our arrangement was clear but the terms and conditions started to blur, on my end and on yours. We'd have sex, absolute mind-blowing sex. That was in our agreement, it was what we discussed. So why did it feel so different with you?

Like it was more than sex.

It was just so easy with you. You were ready to accept me, all of me. You wanted to try everything, you were willing to explore parts of yourself you hadn't even known. You were beautiful Serenity. I thought about you often, especially after that first night we shared together. You were just so eager, so willing to please. Fuck, I couldn't keep my hands off of you. There wasn't a moment when I didn't think about the way you tasted or the sounds you made when you were at your worst. I still think about it. Do you still think about me too Serenity?

For God's sake, you asked me what my safe word was. It was one of the few times I was ever at a loss for words. The truth was I didn't have one, never had a reason to have one. You just looked so curious on top of me, your hands gently massaging my arms. So I thought quickly, searched my mind for any random word I could think of. That was until my eyes refocused on your gaze. Those two orbs of deep brown were analyzing me.

I just blurted it out—brown. That's where I felt safe.

'What the fuck?' was actually my next thought. Sentiments weren't my thing, but you made me forget that. I forgot it when I had that dress made for you and God I forgot it when I saw you in it. The words to describe you were caught in my throat. Radiant, stunning, breathtaking, ethereal. There were so many, so many words for you Serenity but none of them did you justice. They would never do you justice.

We had a good night then until I had to go and ruin it by being a dick. It wasn't your fault, it wasn't even Andrew's fault for Katrina knowing our secret yet I blamed you. Blamed you because I didn't have anyone else to blame. I felt like an ass after; I thought I was punishing you by making you handle it on your own. Maybe if I hadn't been so concerned with that stupid fucking company, Andrew would've been fine.

I didn't get much sleep either Serenity. You were wrong about that assumption. I was scared, no I was more than scared. I was terrified. You had every right to call me out— it was that stupid fucking company. It's actually funny when I think about it now. How right you were. God, you were always right, and you loved to rub it in. It did seem like I cared more about my reputation than I did for my best friend, my brother's life.

I always expected people to know how I felt whether I explicitly said it or not. That wasn't fair of me. While I was trying to pretend like I was keeping it together, you were quite literally falling apart. I wanted to comfort you, I just didn't know how. Not in the way you would have wanted at least. I took the cowardly way out—I hadn't left the hospital that night Serenity. I covered you with a blanket and sat in that room because I didn't want to leave Andrew. I didn't want to be alone, and I didn't want to leave you.

So I sat there and I told you how scared I was. How absolutely terrified I was of losing my best friend and then you shifted. Only slightly, and once you were done you settled your head back into the pillow exhaling lightly, and then I thought—

What if it had been you?

A strange feeling ran through me. It made my fingers and toes cold, made me mildly nauseous. So I buried it because there was absolutely no way. I couldn't have been. We couldn't have been.

I felt it too Serenity.

But every part of me knew if I had to choose. If I was faced with the opportunity to choose, I wouldn't have chosen you. Not then.

That stupid fucking company.

                                             ♥

Future him needed to remind her that she still was not that girl.