𝑺 𝑬 𝑹 𝑬 𝑵 𝑰 𝑻 𝒀 (18+)

Forty-seven

                                  N O A H

                                       ♥

March 13th had been a day I never wanted to relive for the past fourteen years.

I thought about my sister always but I couldn't handle the flashbacks that came with visiting her grave.

Now March 13th would be awful for another reason. One that should've been easily avoidable.

Breaking your heart Serenity, came with grief no amount of time could ever repair.

...

I haven't made many mistakes in my life Serenity, but the way I treated you that day will always be my biggest regret. Sorry isn't enough. It will never be enough to make up for the way I spoke to you that day. I could say it was the grief or maybe even the alcohol but that would be replacing the blame and I didn't want to do that. It was me who spoke to you like that. Not alcohol, not grief, me.

I ripped into you, let my anger speak for itself when it wasn't your fault. Your voice remained soft and your eyes looked so sad. Your voice was strained and I knew you were on the brink of crying. You never cried and that made me feel like a piece of shit. The day had already been trying on me. My parents had stopped by earlier and filled my house with flowers and anecdotes.

It wasn't the flowers that bothered me. I always left toys for her, something I knew she liked and flowers weren't something she would smile over but that wasn't my issue. It was my mother that was the issue. So filled with grief, guilt—venom. I mean for fuck's sake she couldn't spare Bev on the day her daughter died of all days? That agitated me, and I hadn't calmed down since. She needed someone to blame and I guess that person was Bev and I hated her for it but I'd done the same thing.

I didn't know what came over me. I just kept seeing her floating lifeless in the water. Her hair covered her face and her dress a muted tone. I couldn't have guessed how long she'd been in the water before I found her. Could've been a full hour, maybe thirty—twenty minutes. I didn't blame my mother, she was tired, she rested her eyes for a minute and tragedy happened. I'd never blame her but a part of me blamed myself. I should've stayed down there with her, watched Rosie with her.

There were so many things I could've done, but there was nothing I could change. The damage had been done, Rose was gone forever and I put some of that pain into you and I never meant to do that Serenity. I wanted to spare you from that for as long as I could but my dam broke. The pain that swirled inside me was so violent, it shook me to my core and left me feeling worthless.

You wanted to help, I needed your help. I should've held you, should've told you how I felt and how some days I didn't know if I could do it. I should've let you run your fingers in my hair and lay with me. I should've asked you to come with me, grieved with me the right way but I didn't—I couldn't.

It wasn't your fault and I knew that I never needed Andrew to come and lecture me. I fully planned on apologizing without his intervention but I just needed a minute. I was ashamed, I was—wrong Serenity.

So I drove to your house preparing an apology that no amount of words would ever convey. I hoped the damage wasn't done. I hoped you wouldn't slam the door in my face and tell me you never wanted to see me again. It might've been for the better but I couldn't. We hadn't had any time, we needed more time Serenity.

I was going to prove to you, show you that we could make it work but then I saw you. You and Andrew. He leaned in for a kiss or maybe it was you I couldn't quite tell from the window and I didn't stay long enough to figure it out. It was a kiss. A real kiss. Not like the rushed kiss you'd given him before. The one you were so sure of. So sure meant absolutely nothing.

That may have been true for you but it wasn't true for him. It was ego, it was pride, but deep down inside he wanted something more from you. We argued about that, about who deserved you as if you were some prize to be won. The truth was neither one of us deserved you, not with the way that we were.

But if he was the man you saw yourself with. A man who never gave you a maybe, a man who was so sure about his feelings for you he didn't hesitate to pursue them.

If that was the man you wanted to be with I would live with it. If you came out of this deciding you didn't want to be with anyone I would live with it too. Because that kiss will never hurt me in the way I've hurt you.

So many wrongs and the worst part of it all? That wasn't even the end of me disappointing you.

But it was the end of me and you.

                                            ♥

Question time!

What are your thoughts on Noah and Serenity as of now? Do you think they can hash it out or do you think they need time to grow as people before they can really be together?🤨

Do you think it was fair for serenity to ask about his sister?