𝑺 𝑬 𝑹 𝑬 𝑵 𝑰 𝑻 𝒀 (18+)

Thirty-six.

                          S E R E N I T Y

                                          ♥

I couldn't talk to him. We had been in air for over an hour and I couldn't talk about how I thought I might've had feelings for the man sitting next to me or how I kissed Andrew to prove a point. I also couldn't talk about how Andrew knew he was the better choice, that he didn't understand why it wasn't him. I couldn't talk about how much it hurt me to see him hurt so instead I turned to Noah and I asked, "why am I here?" A simple question that required a simple answer. Hopefully, one that would give me some clarity.

He stiffened in his seat closing his book softly before setting it down beside him. He was reading The Art of War, and seemingly loving it until I interrupted him.  "I meant what I said about helping you make a decision. I also just thought after Bullion you'd want a break."

"Do you often spend the holidays away from your family?"

He tapped on his knee and chuckled softly, almost nervously. Noah didn't seem like the type to enjoy family time unless it was dire. Quite honestly he seemed to avoid his family as much as he could excluding spending time with Beverly. Then again she did stay at his house when she came home so he couldn't exactly avoid her.

"The last two Christmas's at home have been hell. New Year's is no better. I don't go out and do stupid shit, I'd rather just enjoy the quiet by myself. Besides, I have to go over all of Andrew's work and I'd prefer to do that without distraction."

"And I'm not a distraction?"

He laughed, "you're a good distraction."

A good distraction, I needed one of those right about now. "Did you tell Andrew you invited me to Aspen?"

"Uh, yeah," he confessed while resuming his reading, "I actually told him I was thinking about bringing you a week ago. You know, to get your mind off of everything, why?"

That explained why he had been acting so distant. I just didn't understand why he waited until now to say something, he'd never been one to shy away from telling me things I needed to hear. Why was this any different? We'd spoken about it countless times. Friendship over sex, rules, and obligations, too many complications. How did we conquer all of that and still end up here?

"He came by to see me that's all. He's been a little on edge lately."

"He's probably just stressed, I'll call and check in on him when we land."

I nodded my head and turned my attention towards the window. The sky was bright and the clouds were sparse. The city miles and miles below us looked so beautifully fragile, so out of reach. Part of me imagined what it would feel like to just free-fall through the atmosphere with my eyes closed and my mind clear. Free from all my responsibilities and decisions I had to inevitably make. Free from guilt or any other burden I'd had to carry recently. I didn't want to die—at the end of the fall, I imagined myself floating on a stray cloud that carefully placed me on a pasture (preferably one with flowers). I just wanted a moment. A moment where everything but myself was insignificant.

"What are your favorite books?" Noah asked suddenly. The question startled me a bit. I shook my head and turned to him with a raised brow, "I've told you already, why?"

"No, not just a select few. All of them."

"What for?" I groaned. The list would be at least two-hundred names long.

"Preferably by New Year's eve."

I waved him off but he grabbed my hand and placed it in my lap. I'd never had sex on a plane, at least not while it was in flight. Now, I found myself wondering what it'd be like to be a part of the mile-high club.