Song For You/ Cate Blanchett fanfiction

Final girl

After a few hours of driving, with pure silence between you two, you stop in front of small motel on the west coast of England, close to the ocean.Cate is looking on her big hands again and that's the sign of her secret nervousness. You agreed, that you'll talk about everything when you arrive somewhere and maybe that's the place."Where are we, Cate? " She doesn't look at you at first, seems somewhere else in her mind, then she intertwines her fingers with yours and listens to last refrain of your song.

No one ever warns ya
You'll die in California
Falling in a dream, you let, let go
No one ever seems to say, say so
No one ever tells ya
There's freedom in the failure
Dying in a dream feels like home
No one ever seems to say, say so

"Can we sleep here tonight? I think, we both need good sleep before we go again. What do you think, darling?" Her eyes are shining and you can't decide if it's excitment or sadness."Sounds great, but under one condition. We'll talk, okay?" You tell her seriously. "Sure." She doesn't look at you and steps out of the car.

This is going to be looong night.

After a shower, which you took together, you lay on the couch and Cate is reading something on her phone. You were hugging, feeling each other, comforting each other, but you need to talk and you need to make her to talk. She didn't even look to your eyes, she's ashamed.You, on the other side, are afraid what she's going to say about trying to kill herself, but still, the truth must be said.

"What are you reading? Any news?" You ask.

"Oh..yes. There are rumors, that I've been seen in LA with some older woman. That's funny. Oh, and look!" She is waving with her phone at you, so you jump next to her. "My fans are atacking Morag's Instagram cause of me, they think she knows where I am." She laughs.

"You're devil, woman. That's not funny, if we haven't met, I would probably attack her, too. And how come do you have Instagram?! You hate that stuff!" You smack her lightly.

"Of course I do, but I need be present and sometimes I read comments..."

"I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!!!" You are screaming happily until she is all over you and kisses you hard to shut you up.

It works.

After a make out session, you sit between her legs with your back to her, you feel her breath on your neck and are incredibly happy. You read the comments together. Suddenly there's a pop up message from Morag.

Don't know where you are, but saw you online on Insta. Take care, I'm glad you're okay. Watch the news. See you in Berlin. XoXo

Cate smiles and whispers to your ear. "I will have to go to Berlin next year, there's a new project. I was hoping you could come with me? Maybe?"

"Are you serious?" You are amazed.

"No, I wanted to scare you. Of course I am serious! Is that a fucking yes?" 

"Fucking yes." You answer, but you forgot about your show with Jenny. "I hope, Jenny won't mind." You add. 

"Oh..of course. I hope that, too, darling." She continues. "And may I ask..if she's your girlfriend, then..who am I? You kissed me, showered with me. I mean..Is that because you're feeling sorry for me? Because I am old enough to take..." 

You can't pretend any longer. "Shut up." You say calmly.

"Pardon me?" Cate is getting mad. 

"She's not my girlfriend." You say again with your angel voice.

"What are you talking about? She is, you are together."

 You feel Cate distanced herself from you while saying that. ¨

"She's not. I broke up with her after our night together, I mean with you. I was afraid to trust you so I was letting you know that we're still together. I am sorry, but not that much." You expect her to be mad even more but she is not. 

"I love you, Y/N. " She hugs you from behind. "So now you're finally mine?"

"Only yours, forever, Ms. Blanchett."

And that night you did everything but good sleep and talking.

Next morning

You are scrolling on your phone and reading what's new in the world and you stop dead at the headline.

"Cate was mentally sick, she visited her psychiatrist every day" Says Andrew Upton, husband of the missing star.

"Cate? Look at this!" You call her as she walks to the couch. She checks the headline with her eyes and looks to your eyes. "That son of a bitch...but it's true." Her blue eyes are shining again.

"What part is true?" You ask slowly.

"Maybe I am mentally sick, you tell me, but yes, I was almost everyday at my psychiatrist." She admits like it's not a big deal.

"Okay. I just..."

"I think it's time to talk, Y/N. I feel you want answers. And I owe them to you. " Cate says. You take her hand.

"Why did you want to kill yourself, baby?" You whisper sadly. 

"Why did you?"

"I could't live without you. But then I could..I don't know. It hurt so much, too much. I am used to feel the pain, silence, loneliness, but this was extreme. I couldn't breathe. I felt like you were my air, my everything. So I was thinking with my gun close to my head. " You tell her honestly.

"Felt?" She asks concerned. "I am so sorry that I hurt you, my love." Cate says.

"Yes, felt. I feel the same but I know I have to live, to fill my life because it was given to me cause of many reasons. I am okay now, though."

"Still, It's not the safe to keep that gun." She is worried.

"I know, but when your friend beats the shit out of you and almost rapes you in your own house, you buy something to prevent that next time." You're ashamed now.

"There wont be next time, I will make sure of that." Cate assures you.

"Enough about me. Why, Cate, why?" You start to cry.

She does to.

"I..." She begins to speak with shaking voice.

That morning, in the small and old motel room, you cry together, embracing each other, being the closest to each other you've ever been.

And she tells you.