Letters to You

~ugly~

Ugly that's what you make me feel

with every look and glare

and yell as you stare at me with disgust

it hurts me so much

I wish I was enough

I wish I was someone you were proud to call your daughter

but no

instead, you'd rather I starve myself than eat so I don't look that way

and god does it hurt

when you call me names

and hurt me with your words and hands 

instead of using them to hold and love me

but it's the way that you are

yet despite all the ways, you've hurt me

I still yearn for you to love me

I wish I was enough

but I guess I'm not,

I hate you

I hate you for the pain

I hate you for making me feel unimportant or loved

I want someone to love me

and I have people who love me

but none of them are you

or my family

and it hurts 

but that's the way that it is

and that's the way it'll always be

because I can't change the way you perceive me

even if you think I'm ugly 

even if you make me feel ugly

you aren't supposed to judge me 

I am a part of you

and yet you still do this to me

fuck you 

fuck you for making me hate who i am

fuck you for making me have to protect who i am

fuck you for not letting me love who i am

fuck you for making me think the worst of who i am

fuck you for making me ugly :)