twilight imagines.

sleepless nights. (j. hale)

{request for: octanes_hermana <33}

it's strange how the quiet, still night,
shining with only the colors of the silver moon,
come as more comfort to me than any words may.
no matter how hard i try,
i cannot close my eyes and drift off into the slumbers i know would salvage my weary mind.
the eyelashes will not brush my cheekbones tonight as my eyes turn to seeing images only my subconscious can create,
because sleep will not find me tonight.
instead,
i've laced up my most worn shoes and tiptoed into the night.
the most lovely thing about forks is the fog that settles over the land we live on.
it threads itself through the limbs of the tallest trees and whispers words of serenity to my skin.
i walk through it for as long as i can,
tangling myself up in the clouds that have come down to engulf our little town.
i feel it thread itself through my hair,
brush against my feverish skin,
wrap around my limbs,
and for once i feel weightless.
it's as though i've become this very fog around me.
but once i've returned to reality,
one where i'm living a life of hardened solitude,
i make my travels up the hill and sit at the highest point.
from here,
i can see everything.
and sometimes,
when i'm feeling my most loneliest,
i pretend i am the creator of this town.
creator, ruler, in charge.
and everyone in my town is as lovely as could be.
but of course all of this is pretend.
it's my coping mechanism for the harsh way this town has treated me;
exiled me without forcing me to leave town.
it's crueler that way,
i believe.
to be welcomed to stay,
but reminded that i will never truly belong.
a small price to pay for shelter,
i assume.
i let my eyes trail from the quiet town and up to the sky,
where the moon is bright and shining in all her glory.
i can feel her light on me,
warming my blood with a divinity i wish could be bottled.
i don't know how much longer i can make it with just the company of my storming thoughts and eccentric beliefs.
i wish to have a friend,
to have someone to lean on.
it's as though the whole world has moved onto their next chapter,
but they've left me behind.

i sit in the diner that's chattering with the talk of morning workers,
but i am the only one who's seated alone.
the coffee is bitter against my tongue with no amount of sugar to fix it.
i'm just grateful it's keeping me awake.
my nightly endeavor turned into a night of questioning the entirety of my existence,
which only seemed to drain me more.
i often times loved being philosophical.
i loved being able to detach from my body and look within myself to make sense of what i deemed questionable.
i valued introspection.
but still,
it was so exhausting.
i sometimes wished for ignorance and the bliss that undoubtedly accompanied it.
"did you hear?"
i circle back into the present to see jasper hale standing before me.
i exhale a laugh meant to cover my embarrassment then ask,
"sorry. uh...what-what did you ask?"
"is the coffee any good today?"
i looked inside the coffee mug that still held a bit of liquid then sloshed it around.
i shrugged.
"eh. it gets the job done."
jasper nodded in understanding but didn't speak.
jasper and i have hardly crossed paths,
despite the smallness of the town we live in,
we've only ever spoken once.
and that was when i needed a pencil in geometry class.
i assumed he would walk away then,
until he continued to stand in front of me then ask,
"can i keep you company?"
who was i to deny anyone the simple pleasure of enjoying a morning view by the diner?
it was known that the seat i occupied offered a lovely view of the morning sky.
"of course."
jasper moves with an elegance i could only hope to acquire one day then sits across from me.
i expect his eyes to turn away from mine to gaze upon the sky outside,
but they never shift.
not even for a moment.
when it's obvious i've become entranced into his glimmering eyes,
and my sleep deprived brain is conjuring up delusions of grandeur,
i smile shyly then look back into my cup of coffee.
"you look awfully tired, y/n."
hearing him say my name has suddenly given it more value.
my name feels richer now that jasper's silver coated tongue has spoken it aloud.
"i am. horribly tired,"
i admit with a laugh stripped of any humor.
"why don't you get some rest then? it's the weekend, you know. all the time to sleep."
i shrug and turn my attention towards the window beside me,
where i can see the sky melting into hues of blush,
though it's taking everything in to keep my eyes from gazing over his silk skin.
"couldn't sleep. it gets harder to almost every night."
"sometimes your brain can be your biggest enemy. if only there were a simple fix to making it quiet. suppose a switch or something of the sort."
jasper folds his hands on the table and i notice how naturally flawless each part of him is.
he looks carved from marble and i can only imagine how i must look across from him.
tousled hair from the fogs company,
deepened color in my skin from the wind that never eased any,
and heavy bags beneath my tired, red eyes.
still,
i wonder if there's a quiet beauty in the way i look right now.
i hope he sees it that way.
"how simple things would be then,"
i amuse his thought with a smile.
"may i ask what's keeping you awake?"
"you live in the same town i do. i think that question kind of answers itself."
jasper remains quiet for just a few breaths and i began to wonder if i've chased away the only company i've been grateful to have.
"forks can be kind of...cruel sometimes, can't it?"
"yeah...well, why are you awake at..."
i turn my wrist to see the time on my watch then continue saying,
"six forty-five."
"there's no rest for the wicked,"
he answers with a smirk.
i can't decipher it,
but i hear a laugh slip loose from my throat and hang in the air between us.
"y/n, allow me a moment to be abrupt?"
i couldn't help but snicker at his formality and the nature of his words.
how outdated they felt yet,
belonged to his lips.
"i'll allow it."
"there is no one who has or will ever equate to your beauty. it's there in it's rawest form and...and i admire you greatly."
i'm taken aback for a moment.
i wonder if my brain which has been loaded up on sugar to keep me awake is beginning to create hallucinations.
surely jasper didn't just hand me the loveliest compliment i could ever wish to receive so suddenly?
"i see i've overstepped my boundaries. i apologize."
"no, no! don't-don't apologize. that's so nice, jasper, thank you. i...i really appreciate it."
i offer him my warmest smile,
though it takes no effort to.
he smiles back and seems to be comforted by my response.
"perhaps you can take those words and turn them into a lullaby of sorts. maybe you'll better achieve sleep then."
jasper and i laugh in unison at his oddly worded joke.
it's nice to have someone to share these moments with.
where sleep deprivation has wrung us dry of any sense and leaves us with a warped sense of humor.
"so, what are your plans for the day, jasper?"
"well...i don't believe i have any. you?"
i nod my head and begin to rub my eyes that are growing heavy.
"i suppose i'll head home soon. maybe watch some tv, finally get some sleep. who knows?"
jasper laughs at this but tries to cover it with a cough.
it's as though he knows something i don't,
but i don't bother to question it.
i suppose letting him have his inside joke to himself is better than forcing him to explain.
i can feel the stripped version of myself begin to appear.
the one who has become so exhausted,
that numbness takes place of anything else.
so instead of feeling nervous when i ask,
i am simply calm.
"do you want to come hang out? watch some movies with me?"
jasper,
as though he can feel the serenity in my body,
smiles gently then says,
"i'd love to. thank you for asking me."
and suddenly,
jasper is lying in my bed.
it's a weird sight to see;
someone of known admiration and importance to be sitting somewhere as simple as my bed.
"so, can i get you anything? popcorn, water?"
jasper shakes his head.
"i'm alright, thank you though."
i sit beside him then begin searching for a movie that's well enough to keep us awake and entertained.
i can feel a part of me awakening,
one i've never known,
that is striving for my guest.
because for once,
i have someone to impress.
and i want to stop at nothing to achieve it.
i find an older film that seems to fit his taste and there,
we begin watching it.
"have you ever seen this before?"
he asks.
"not to my knowledge. have you?"
jasper turns to face me and i see the brights of his eyes in a light i never knew i'd be blessed enough to see.
his smile is bright when he says,
"it used to be my favorite. it's...amusing that you chose this specific movie."
"huh...yeah, that is kind of funny."
"i think you and i are going to make great friends,
y/n."
i feel a slight blush come across my skin.
i'm glad he's too distracted by the tv to notice.
it's nice to have a friend.
jasper and i spend the better half of an hour watching the movie, laughing together to create a symphony, and soaking in the presence of one another.
what a strange pair we made,
but there was an odd loveliness to it.
like a black petal in a bouquet of roses.
but before i could quite stop myself,
my eyelids that i once could not force to close could no longer be kept open.
it was as though everything i'd once been thinking of ceased to matter.
sleep had never come to me so easily.
the last thing i saw before i was carried into a peaceful sleep was the brown eyes of jasper hale.
it was the greatest antidote i could imagine.
***
when i finally woke up,
it was to the sounds of cicadas singing their song outside my window.
i didn't know how much time had passed,
but i felt entirely rested.
every tired bone in my body was suddenly rejuvenated.
beside me,
where jasper once sat,
was empty.
only the air tinged with his cologne was there to stay as proof of his visit.
and on my pillow,
laid a note in his elegant handwriting.

"loveliest y/n,
i left partly because i figured it'd be strange to have someone you'd just met sit there while you rest.
but i must admit,
peace looks stunning on you.
i hope to see you again soon.
there's a poise you possess that i admire and i'd love nothing more than to be in your presence again.
i hope you got the sleep you deserve.
-jasper hale."

i feel a smile stretch from the corners of my lips up until it can't possibly go any further.
there was something unique about the relationship blossoming between jasper and i,
and that's what made it so beautiful.
i quickly readied myself then made an exit out of the front door,
estimating the time to be around evening.
i relished in the wind that seemed to sound rather harmonious,
i basked in the streetlights that almost could warm my skin,
and i felt lighter than i had in years.
jasper had offered me a branch of cordiality in my loneliest times.
i was eternally grateful for him.
i just wondered how many more sleepless nights would it take for this feeling to be drained from me.
shaking the thoughts from my head,
i found jasper trailing alongside the lake that was often left overlooked by the citizens of forks.
but it had been my only sliver of tranquility too.
before i could speak or take another step,
jasper swiveled his head around to meet me with a smile.
"good morning, aurora."
"right back at you,"
i returned with a mirrored smile.
he offered a seat beside him to which i gladly took.
we could see the fishes swimming up from here.
"thank you for inviting me to spend such a lovely morning together,"
he finally said.
i nodded.
"thank you for joining me. it's nice..it's nice to have company."
"i agree. we make an interesting pair of friends."
i exhaled a laugh that he seemed to follow with.
"opposites often find their ways to each other."
***
there would never be another sleepless night for me.
after our adventure by the lake,
jasper and i had shared many, many vulnerable moments together that shaped the grand image of a beautiful relationship.
when we were close enough and he knew nothing would quite turn me away,
he admitted to me secrets i never knew one could harbor.
and in return,
i nurtured those things and loved him for it.
i'd always been suspicious of the supernatural living in this town anyways.
and the very first time jasper kissed me,
i felt a bliss burst inside my chest that many spent eons chasing to find.
jasper would coax me into a deep slumber when my mind was fighting to keep me awake,
he would stroke my hair and whisper words of wisdom to keep me at bay,
and i finally had someone to share the darkest part of myself with.
jasper and i had made ourselves bare to one another,
which is why we had no objections to admitting that we loved one another.
it's often said that your soulmate is just the other part of you that got lost along the way.
i can't help but wonder if that much is true for jasper and i.
these long nights are no longer mine to share alone and my solitude had ebbed away to be replaced with the lovely company that is jasper hale.
i can only hope to be as much of a saint to jasper as he is to me.
and when he holds me close,
kisses my flaws and radiates in my warmth,
i feel whole.
i know that our love extends further beyond any normalcy and i'm okay with that.
we're an odd pair,
but i believe that's what makes us who we are as individuals and especially as lovers.
i know that i'll love jasper hale until the last whisper of my beating heart,
and he'll love me for an eternity's time.
after a lifetime of our own being alone and forced to love solitude,
jasper and i have created a home in this love.
there really will be no more sleepless nights.