twilight imagines.

can't see you (a. cullen)

three years.
today made been three years since my vigorous love for alice cullen began.
it seems rather pathetic from afar,
but if you look closer you'll see it's just a simple worry of "what if?"
what if she doesn't like?
what if she's emotionally unavailable?
what if i'm not her type?
i could spend all night playing the what if game in my mind.
and if i was being honest,
i did.
i laid there and imagined different scenarios that involved alice and i.
where we laid as one and felt the loving nature of one another,
or where we laughed together so loudly that our stomach would become tight.
alice was entirely too beautiful,
enchanting even,
and i adored her.
i tried to move on with my life,
but i couldn't see myself lying with anyone but her.

"it's...creepy, y/n,"
jessica stanley shrugged as she pushed the cafeteria food around.
"it's not any less creepy than you and your obsessing over mike."
"not the same!"
"how?"
"because i've actually talked to mike."
i turned my head away to avoid the embarrassment of the people around us who had overheard.
jess knew she hit below the belt too.
she apologized by lying a cookie to my tray.
but i found my appetite scarce and my stomach burning with anger.
bella took a seat across from me and i had never been so grateful for her presence.
i enjoyed bella.
she was easygoing.
just the complete opposite of jessica.
"so, bells, how are things with edward?"
jess asked,
writhing in anticipation.
i watched as bella's cheeks deepened in color,
and i couldn't help but let my mind wander.
i imagined alice at my side,
letting our hands lace together as one as we ventured on double dates with bella and edward.
the thought made me laugh,
it seemed completely juvenile.
bella turned an eyebrow up at my sudden laugh,
"sorry. just...thought of something funny."
i nodded my head just the slightest to signal towards jess,
letting bella think my funny thought was about her,
just so she'd feel comfortable again.
being the new girl was never joyful,
i remembered being in her exact position just a few years prior.
so if it meant pissing jessica off to make bella feel at ease,
then so be it.
"we're...good."
"is he like-"
before jessica could press the girl for more intimate details,
i cut her off.
"are you hanging with him after school? or can you and i do something?"
bella's shoulders relaxed and i felt a wave of relief.
if bella was comfortable,
so was i.
"i-i should be free."
"great. can i ride home with you?"
she only nodded and let her eyes trail to where edward sat,
but i turned to look at alice.
and there she sat,
with a laugh so perfect and skin so flawless she seemed almost unreal.
a mythical being,
even.
but hell,
if alice cullen was a predator,
i had no issue being her prey.
i smiled to myself before meeting edward's eyes.
they were confused yet somewhat grateful.
i shook my head and turned back to bella,
giving her a small smile.
***
i walked out of my last class and began to make way where bella's truck sat in the parking lot.
upon my arrival,
edward kissed her cheek goodbye and shot me a playful grin.
"does he know something? like...about alice?"
bella shrugged,
"depends. do you think about her a lot?"
"i don't think there's a moment where i'm not."
bella let out a laugh then got inside of her truck,
leaving me to follow.
the engine roared to life and she turned to face me,
"he probably knows then."
i crawled into a small ball in her seat,
completely mortified.
if edward knew,
then it was only a matter of time before alice found out too.
"but don't worry. he won't tell anyone."

i laid on my stomach on bella's bed,
reading her copy of wuthering heights that was well read throughout the years.
she sat on the foot of the bed,
continuously looking out of the window.
"am i keeping you from something, bells? i can go home."
"no, no. it's just.."
"you miss him, don't you?"
i teased and began poking her arm with my index finger.
she chucked sheepishly with a nod,
"so much, honestly. it's scary."
"would you like to go over there then?"
"oh, no. charlie would kill me if i came home late."
i sat up and shrugged,
"i'll drive you, then come back and act like we're heading straight to sleep."
bella toyed with the ends of her pillow and shrugged,
"you'd do all that for me to see him?"
"of course! i'll leave the window open for you in case you can somehow climb your way back in."
she laughed loudly at this,
"i'm sure edward can help me in."
***
i stopped the truck and marveled at the house before us.
it was beautiful,
and i had never seen anything like it.
edward soon stepped out to greet bella,
but seemed surprised by my appearance.
"oh...hey, y/n."
i stifled my laughter,
"hey edward. don't worry, i'm just dropping her off."
he turned a worried eye to bella and began speaking in hushed tones,
though i could still hear bits and pieces.
"alice only saw you coming. she can't see y/n."
"can't see y/n? what do you mean?"
"you know what i mean. alice can't see y/n in her visions."
bella turned to me with a half smile then gazed at the house for a moment,
"would you like to come in?"
"is-is she here?"
bella nodded,
"here's your opportunity."
i climbed out of the car and followed behind bella and edward into their house,
before i quickly excused myself to their restroom.
i stared at myself in the mirror with a widening smile and realized that bella was right,
this was my moment.
i trailed out there and saw her back turned to me,
before she heard my footsteps and faced me with a gasp.
"y/n! i didn't see you...at all."
i laughed nervously,
"right. sorry. should've...cleared my throat or something."
alices' smile fell as i spoke,
then she hurried to her room with no look back.
i felt dejected.
i turned to bella for support and watched her turn to edward,
whose face was etched with confusion.
"y/n...could you go up there and talk to her?"
"i don't know if you, like, saw that, but it's obvious she doesn't want to talk to me."
"just..trust me."
his eyes were serious and i knew i had no other choice.
so i walked up the steps and knocked at her door,
where she told me to come in.
when i did,
she threw the piece of clothing down at her feet.
"i can't see you!"
"i mean...the door was closed."
i shut it behind me and leaned against it,
smiling soft.
alice couldn't help but let a giggle slip past her lips,
and the sound made my heart skip a few beats.
"i'm sorry. i don't mean to be rude, it's just frustrating."
"right. i'm not sure what it is, but i understand."
alice gave me a grateful smile and it nearly sent my legs out from beneath me.
"so, you came here to tell me about your long time crush on me, huh?"
the question struck horror within me,
and i buried my burning face in my hands.
the embarrassment was all too much to handle.
"oh my god!"
alice laughed and i could hear her footsteps inching closer to me,
but i refused to peek behind my hands.
until her chilled fingers wrapped around my wrist and gently peeled them from my face.
"don't be embarrassed, y/n."
"too late."
alice let her teeth sink into her bottom lip before she spoke again,
"i have impeccable hearing, you know. jessica stanley seems annoyed with you talking about me all the time."
alice still had my wrists in her hands,
so i was left vulnerable for her to see my heated cheeks.
"if it makes you feel any better, emmett's pretty fed up with me talking about you all the time too."
"you-you talk about me?"
"for about three years straight, it seems."
alice was only inches away from my lips now,
and i could feel her minty breath fanning my already burning cheeks.
my lips tingled at the close proximity,
and it felt as though electricity was radiating from her skin.
"well, at least we're here now,"
i whispered out,
moving a strand of hair out of her eyes.
she batted her eyes at me then smiled,
"at least we are."
the space between us closed and i felt my blood grow warm beneath my skin.
she erupted something within me,
and the butterflies swarmed my stomach to my throat.
i forgot how to breathe.
and i didn't want to.
all i wanted was to feel her cool lips to mine for the rest of my life.
all i needed was her.
she pulled back slowly and let her thumb run down my bottom lip with a smile.
when the air found itself in my lungs again,
i softly gasped.
her eyes were burning into me but i only welcomed it.
"thank you for finding me, y/n, even when i couldn't see you."