twilight imagines.

old habits (e. cullen)

"we're not good together, y/n,"
edward admitted and hung his head low.
"but...you love me, don't you?"
"more than anything."
she stepped closer and laced their hands together,
"then don't do this."
he laid his forehead to hers where he could feel the ragged breathing of the girl fan his cheeks.
her eyes watered,
intensifying the beauty of her eyes.
"i need to keep you safe."
she sniffled and squeezed his hand as though to keep him here with her,
"edward..."
he left a final kiss to her forehead then untangled his hands from hers,
walking back to the car that remained at the front of her house.

the memory made me sit up straighter in class,
wondering why it had become so vivid in my mind recently.
what happened with edward and i felt ancient,
despite it having been just a year ago.
but still,
him and his family packed up and left.
and i was forced to move on.
i was fine with it after a while,
of course,
it's only high school after all.
but something about the way edward and i loved each other will forever be something stamped across my heart.
and i moved on.
well,
tried to.
i did my best to cover the memory of edward and continue with the life i was meant to lead.
and though he would pop up here and there,
he was just a memory.
so to have the day of our breakup replay so suddenly and colorfully in my mind came as a shock.
but it wasn't until i linked my arm with jessica after class that i realized why.
"did you hear? the cullens are back in town."
i stopped walking and stood frozen with my stomach twisting in knots.
"ooh, right. a bit awkward now, isn't it? since he was, like, technically your first love."
"yeah, a bit,"
i spoke through the knot in my throat.
it was as if my body knew edward was back,
and was reacting to his sudden presence without me consciously knowing.
when jessica and i took a seat at the lunch table,
she began discussing the love triangle between the three kids in our social studies class.
i was still shaky from the news,
but decided it had been long enough.
edward was back,
big deal.
plenty of people share classes with their ex's,
and now i'm part of that statistic.
it wasn't as if he came back for me,
so i simply shrugged it off.
we were both capable of moving on,
and i was still at liberty to date who i pleased to.
"seriously? but they're brothers,"
i laughed along with jess,
watching her nod her head eagerly.
"i know!"
i shook my head in disbelief before feeling the burning of someone's eyes on me.
i turned only to find edward cullen,
with his hand beneath his chin and his eyes locked with mine.
...hi.
he nodded his head in acknowledgement and turned back to his family,
leaving me with burning cheeks.
"oh my god, are you two gonna, like, fall back in love?"
i scoffed,
"doubt it, jess. we've moved on."
***
and so it was true,
edward and i had forgot about the past year.
we sat together in our lab class,
working with one another as though he wasn't still in possession of my aching heart.
but i ignored it,
i was old enough now to move on.
why can't i move on!?
i thought painfully as his fingers brushed mine to pass me the microscope.
and from the corner of his eye,
i saw a slight smirk.
that smirk was going to be the death of me.
but i only laughed quietly,
shaking my head.
the bell above us rang out,
and sent us climbing out of the classroom.
i could feel edward's presence growing closer,
but soon stopped once tyler crowley appeared beside me.
"hey!"
he greeted,
wrapping an arm around me.
"hey, tyler."
"what are you doing this weekend?"
"the usual. studying, catching up, whatever,"
i admitted with a sheepish laugh.
"boring. come out with us."
"who's us?"
"angie and eric."
i stopped and turned to him with a playful laugh,
"tyler crowley! are you setting us up on a double date?"
i pushed his shoulder jokingly.
he shrugged and laughed,
"maybe."
"mhm. i'll think about it, okay?"
he nodded and pulled me in for a hug,
then ran down the hall to catch up with mike.
i laughed to myself only to soon meet edward's eyes that were burning with jealousy.
i swallowed hard and waved,
pushing past the weakness in my legs.
***
when i laid in the bed that night,
i couldn't help but replay that look in edwards eyes.
it was so....vehement yet so angry.
but why should he be angry?
he broke up with me?!
i closed my eyes and threw the pillow over my head,
groaning into it.
trying to get over edward was asking me to do the impossible,
especially now that he was close again.
i miss him.
i'm not over him.
i finally admitted to myself,
the weight freeing itself off my shoulders.
"i miss you, too."
i threw the pillow off my face to reveal edward leaning against my door frame.
i rubbed my eyes aggressively,
wondering if my obsessive imagination conjured this up.
he chuckled,
"no, it's me. your sister let me in."
"of course she did."
he took a seat on the edge of my bed and let his hand fall to my shin,
where he held it supportively.
"you look good, if i may."
i chuckled and felt the blush widen against my cheeks like they always did around edward.
"thank you. you do, too."
"yeah. suppose alaska did some good to my complexion, huh?"
"oh, definitely. you look positively tan!"
we laughed together like old times,
before the silence enveloped us.
"don't go out with tyler this weekend,"
he spoke tersely.
i sat up at the words and let my eyebrows furrow.
"what?"
"i...please, i can't watch you be with him."
"w-what?"
"it hurts to see you with anyone else. even after all this time."
i shook my head and scoffed.
you broke up with me!
he flinched at my loud thought,
"i know. and i regret it every day."
i looked away from him and out the window,
"is that why you came back?"
"partially."
i began to remember the days after edward left,
how saddened i had become.
the images of a sunken y/n flashed in my mind,
making edward tense and the sick look etched itself across his face.
it hurt.
"i know. i'll never forgive myself, y/n."
you'll just leave me again when it gets tough.
he inched closer to me and grabbed my hand in his,
squeezing it reassuringly.
"if you'll have me back, i promise with everything i have to offer i'll be here with you. i won't live without you, y/n. you're all i need."
i swallowed hard and forced my eyes to meet his,
where my heart quickened.
his lips twitched into a grin at the sound.
"until the end?"
i questioned innocently.
he nodded,
"until the very end."
i sighed and wrapped my arms around him,
then felt his cold skin make contact with mine.
i shivered at the feeling of both his coolness and the rejoicing of our love.
i hadn't realized how lonely i felt,
or how empty i had become without edward.
but now that he laid in my arms,
everything i had ever lost was slowly returning itself to me.
he kissed the top of my head and inhale deeply,
letting my scent burn his throat rather enjoyably.
i laughed lightly and looked up at him,
"hard to break old habits?"
he chuckled and nodded,
laying a hand to my cheek to caress my skin with his thumb.
"you have no idea."
i love you.
he smiled that crooked smile that knotted my stomach in the best way possible.
"as i love you."
i let my lips come together with his for just a split second,
but enough to seal our promise.
"my heart is forever yours, y/n."
he whispered and connected our lips together again,
where i could feel the fervor fill my core.
he brushed my hair back like he had always done,
then laid a cool hand to my neck to hold me close.
and as though no time had passed us,
i had found my purpose again.
and there i knew,
our love was permanent.