Between You & Me || Luke & Jai Brooks

Chapter LVIII - Turn Around, Go Home Now

* Meghan's POV*
The next night, the trip seems to take even less time until I'm at his door, and it only takes me a split second before I knock, then I twist the handle almost straight away. Being at home last night, alone because Jai was out with friends, made me consider the situation and drop my depression. The moment I stopped thinking about how hard done by I was, the anger began to seep in. Not my fault. Luke was unfaithful, and Luke is the one refusing to talk to me. Not my fault.

The handle clicks and the door swings and I feel the blood leave my face as I blink repeatedly to clear what I'm seeing. But no matter what I do, I still see it all. Luke is there alright. Close enough that it would take a few steps to feel his touch again. And Miranda too, of course. I could sense it from the moment I walked through the door. No, before that. When I was getting out the car, every inch of my body was telling me, TURN AROUND. GO HOME, NOW! I didn't want to see this. Everything I see. Anything. It's blurry through my tears, but I see it all, flashing like a movie strip. My chest is rising and falling heavily but everything's happening in slow motion.

Luke jumps up the moment he sees me, awkwardly pulling on his shorts again and running forward, hands outstretched. "Meghan! Megs! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for you to see this at all!" I'm blinking, blinking hard to cleanse my mind, and his drawn face is flashing before my eyes. I can't read his expression, it's all too much to take in and I'm dizzy, my face pale and my hands clammy.

Luke reaches his hand out but I jerk back violently, my head giving an intense lurch. "Meghan! Baby, I'm so sorry!"

"Ugh." SHUT UP! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! The air is too heavy, clouding my ears, making my head spin. I can't erase the images from my mind. Luke, long blonde hair, a tattooed arm, a slender leg, curly dark hair, a slim, long fingered hand. Blurry, rushed, movie strip pictures, but still too clear. I open my mouth, possibly to scream, but instead I take a deep gasp of air, and pitch forward suddenly. Arms catch me before I hit the ground, strong familiar arms, and I simultaneously want to cry, smile and slit my throat at the same time. My mind is screaming at me, GET HIM OFF! DON'T LET HIM TOUCH YOU! But at the same time my heart is beating faster and faster and his touch is sending an electric current over my skin and through my veins. Luke. I love you I love you I love you.

Am I crazy? Is it crazy to crave the thing that hurts you most? Is that the same as craving the pain? Because I never thought of myself as suicidal, but if death involved Luke, I think my opinion would change. Seeing his face... It was like everything I've worked for in the last few weeks just went out the window and I'm back to square one. Because really, did any of it matter? Now I realise that even though I felt like I was getting stronger, it was just going to make the fall harder. Like he was reeling me in all over again but I thought that I was getting further away because I was fighting just as hard.

"Meghan, I'm so sorry. This wasn't supposed to happen." My head is doing slow spins and my vision is black. I can't sense anything from my waist down, but his hands leave a burning sensation where they touch me. "Meghan, I love you."

"No you don't!" The first words I speak tear out of my chest from somewhere I didn't know existed, and I scream them before I think them. "No you fucking don't, Luke, or we wouldn't be in this position!" I yank myself out of his grip suddenly, and take two wobbly steps backwards to face him.

In five seconds, I take a quick inventory of him, from his blonde tipped curls down to his bare feet. Then I take a deep breath. "No, you don't, Luke." I fight to keep my voice steady. "But it's alright." Then I turn and walk back out the way I came in, and his voice doesn't call me back.