Between You & Me || Luke & Jai Brooks

Chapter LV - Fuck Up... Literally

The next day, I wake up late after a long sleep in for once. I stayed up worried last night, not getting to sleep until about 3am, so when I check my phone and see that it's already 12:30 I'm not that surprised. When I go through to Jai's room though to talk to him, that all changes.

"What do you mean? He was here?" Even I can hear the frantic edge to my tone, on the verge of breaking into a panic. Jai's eyes are meticulously reading my expression, the crazed, desperate look to my eyes, the flush I can feel rising in my cheeks.

"He just wanted to talk." He begins carefully. "But on the way here, he saw... he saw the picture. Of us." His voice is slow and his eyes still searching mine for any sign of the impending insanity that I can feel building inside. "At the soccer game."

My bottom lip begins to tremble and I bite down on it, hard. I swallow forcefully to make sure I only have to speak once. "Where is he now?" The shake in my voice is poorly disguised.

Jai pulls his top lip through his teeth and his tongue darts out to wet his lips. "He's staying in the hotel down the road for a bit. He's feeling a little overwhelmed I think."

"He's angry." It's barely more than a whisper.

"Yeah."

"At me." Somehow my voice manages to break over the space of two words.

"A little, yeah." Jai replies honestly.

Can hearts actually break? Or is it just a phrase? Because if they can, that's what mine is doing. I can almost feel it tearing, and my body seizing up to hold it together. My breathing is coming in quiet, raspy gasps.

"I have to talk to him." Jai's shaking his head, but I step away from him jerkily. "I have to, Jai. You don't understand."

A spasm of pain crosses his face. "No, you don't. Don't you remember why this situation is the way it is?" His hands grasp my shoulders and his eyes stare deep into mine, full of pain and determination. "Please, listen to me. Neither of you are in the right place right now. You need to give it some time, have a break. And then, if you decide to get back together-" he pauses briefly as he takes a sharp breath, the corners of his mouth turning down, "then that's your choice."

I can't help the tears that flow to my eyes but I don't let them spill. Jai's right. I'm forgetting everything in a moment of desperation. I came here because Luke forced me to. And everything I want, everything I need, is standing right in front of me. Without thinking about it, I lunge forward to attach my lips to Jai's, kissing him hungrily. His arms, previously restraints, relax around me, holding my face gently but sturdily to his. This is what I need. I just have to keep telling myself that. I feel his body mold to mine briefly, then he swings me down onto his bed to straddle me.

*Jai's pov*
I think that counts as a fuck up anyway. Our first time having sex and it's pity sex over her ex boyfriend. Way to go, Jai. It's as if no matter how hard I try, I'll always be second best to Luke. She's too far in, but she doesn't realise it. She thinks she's getting stronger as she walks away, but it's like an elastic band. The further away she gets, the closer she is to snapping right back to him.

So am I a bad person for taking advantage of it? Is fucking her now a bad thing to do? Does it even count when the person is so far off with the fairies that she's practically drunk?

For fucks sake.

Surely if it was meant to be, it wouldn't be so hard. But turning over to face her sleeping silently, my heart seems to squeeze and my chest seizes up. Deep down, I know that I'll never be able to leave her. As long as she needs me around, I'll be there. Because I'm a fucking pushover.

And she's an angel.

Maybe not in the purest sense of the word, at least not anymore, but I'll always see her in that way. I laugh a little under my breath at the image of her in my head, with a bright halo and two feathery wings. But honestly, it's not too far off target of how I actually see her. My own personal piece of heaven, sharing a bed with me.

Maybe it's not her that's in too deep after all. Maybe it's everyone else.