Chapter XXXII - Hospital

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When I wake I'm still on the sofa, and Alicia's next to me. She's still white faced and clutching her belly but now she's sobbing uncontrollably into Mel's shoulder and both Jai and Daniel are beside her, rubbing her shoulders and stroking her hair, trying to calm her down with reassuring words. I don't think she can even hear them over her sobs.

When the doorbell rings Luke is standing by the door to let them in. I feel queasy again seeing them bring in the stretcher fitted with breathing apparatus and tubes. Alicia is lifted straight on, strapped in and covered with a blanket before being wheeled out. Skip volunteers to be in the ambulance and no one puts up a fight at the expression on his face.

Everything is a whirlwind, Mel drives Jai, Luke, James and I down after the ambulance at speeds definitely not legal, and Luke piggy backs me into the hospital. I'm slowly regaining complete consciousness.

By the time we reach Alicia's room, she's stretched out in a bed, connected to a drip and surrounded by nurses. They're monitoring her while doing an ultrasound, and Skip is watching the screen more intently than I've seen him watch anything. Alicia's eyes are shut and I notice the hand that isn't holding Skip's has its fingers crossed.

I don't understand what's going on but there's a nurse holding a stethoscope looking device to Alicia belly that's paying intense attention to a little machine with a screen beside the bed. It's showing Alicia's heartbeat and what I think should be the baby's. I know I'm right, but at the same time I hope I'm wrong.

The bottom line is flat.

No matter how hard I stare, the line stays level, while Alicia's jumps up and down.

The baby's heartbeat is still.

The nurses are exchanging looks and I see Alicia's bottom lip start to tremble. One nurse steps forward. Alicia just turns her face away.

"I get it, okay? Do what you have to do."

The nurse grimaces. "We cant really do anything, Miss. The only option is a still birth."

From where I'm sitting, I see tears spill over onto Alicia's cheeks. Skip's eyes are glistening and Jai looks torn between relief and devastation. His baby is dead. His first child. But then again, now he isn't the father to another couple's child. The person in this triangle that was in the least awkward position is Alicia, and she's the one that has to suffer most.

I can't help but wipe away one escaped tear, and this quickly escalates into waterfalls from me, and tears even from Mel.

I reach over to hold Alicia's hand and squeeze it. "I'm so sorry Leash."

She doesn't answer, she just cries, and my heart breaks all over again.

"Excuse me, I'm going to have to ask all of you to leave!" The older nurse in the room barks, ushering us out.

Alicia shakes her head anxiously. "No! No, please, can they stay? They're keeping me calm!"

"I'm sorry miss, it's just procedure!"

"No! No! Please!" Alicia's getting hysterical now, choked up and bothered. The other nurses push us from the room, and Luke grabs my hand as I sob quietly. I can still hear Alicia's cries from the room and it's driving me crazy. I want to be in that room to help my best friend.

* * * *

I hear everything from outside the room, but mostly Alicia crying and mourning. It hurts your heart to hear cries like that, cries of a mother that's lost her child. I don't even notice my tears streaming down my face constantly. It's horrible, I keep imagining what it would have been like with the baby, what it would look like. I keep expecting to hear the cry of a newborn baby.

But baby Skip won't be crying. Not now. Not ever.

Alicia won't get to hold her beautiful first born in her arms and see her own eyes gazing back at her, from underneath a shock of dark hair like Jai's.

The amazing little human that's been growing inside of her for months, will never see outside of her. Won't breathe in the air. Won't see anything other than the darkness it's always seen.

The beautiful baby we've all been waiting for... won't come into this world alive.

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