On the Wings of Valkyrie

Chapter CXX

"It's okay. It wasn't your fault," Padmé was telling her over and over, her voice soothing despite the fact she was crying too. Luna didn't even know how precisely they had come to the position, just that for the moment the woman was holding the Sith girl to her chest, rocking them and whispering in the girl's ear truths that were lies.

Maybe that's why Luna could only sob harder. She was regressing to the state of a child and hated it but all the same could not help it. If she pulled on her self hatred to keep herself together....

Mental breakdown was the better option. Luna wouldn't accidentally hurt anyone that way. And that moonstone had nearly been blasted to smithereens enough times for her to wonder what may happen if she continued trying to keep everything bottled up. Not that Luna had meant for this to happen, it just had....

And it was....nice. It felt nice, taking this undeserved kindness, this comfort she was unworthy of. Forgiveness she was unqualified for. Trying to pretend the lies were true. Oh, how selfish she was.

"I'm so sorry," Luna managed to sob out. "For everything."

"None of what happened was your fault," Padmé responded. "You did your best, that's all anyone could have asked for."

"It wasn't enough. I should have stopped it. Should have saved—"

"You saved me, didn't you? I wouldn't be here if you hadn't been there to advise Artoo."

"One good deed is not enough to redeem a lifetime of wickedness."

"You are not evil and six years is hardly a lifetime. You were doing what you had to in order to survive like so many others."

Luna didn't know how to answer. Padmé, ever attentive, sensed the scepticism.

Since when had the ex-Shadow become so easy to read?

"You're good at heart, Luna," Padmé told her. The girl managed a small half hearted smile, trying to pretend to believe. It didn't last long. "You are. Anyone who knows you can see it."

"But—"

"Luna, if you weren't you wouldn't be feeling guilty. You wouldn't be trying to push unearned responsibility onto yourself. What happened to the Republic, to the Jedi, to," her breath hitched before the name that carried an unfathomable amount of pain with it managed to slip through her lips, "Anakin was not your fault. It never has been. Don't blame yourself for it. You should have never been forced into that position, Luna. What's done is done. We can't keep looking at the past. We'll never move forward if we do."

"I've never been good at that," Luna admitted, her voice breaking. "At letting go." I'd make a horrid Jedi.

"It's hard," Padmé agreed, running her fingers through the girl's dark locks. "But we have to try."

"....Do or do not. There is no try."

"Then we must do," she said as the two separated for the first time in a while. Padmé cupped Luna's face, rubbing the ex-Shadow's tears away and prompting the dark blues to meet warm browns. "Things will get better."

"Says the one without a cheat sheet for the future," Luna muttered, trying to lighten the mood slightly, all the while wondering why she was getting this blessing of kindness.

She, the unworthy, when someone else needed to far more.

"Well, I find it doubtful you'd willingly travel to a world that was only full of tragedies," Padmé stated, a small smile gracing her lips as she wrapped the girl into another hug.

"Do you want me to tell you?" Luna whispered into the woman's ear. "How all this was supposed to end?" How you were right about Vader? About Anakin? How you've always been right?

How it may look too late but really isn't? Tell me you still believe. That you can believe.

It took half a second, but the Nabooian nodded.

~*~

Padmé emerged from Luna's room hours later. Ahsoka had long since excused herself to meditate over the fact that somehow Mon Mothma had found out her partner was Eclipse before the Grey Jedi did as well to better comprehend the idea of ghost being a thing. Luke had borrowed Vader's TIE to start teaching himself how to skywalk, which had left the Sith waiting to see what had come of the meeting between his apprentice and Angel.

Considering it had lasted a decent length of time and the emotional undertones of Luna's mental sheilds that had been rather volatile earlier had calmed a significant degree, it would hopefully be good news. Clearly he'd been right in trusting his gut and requesting Padmé's assistance. As much as Vader would like to try and reach out to the girl, he knew that as of the current moment his presence would only do more harm than good.

"How is she?" he asked the moment the door had closed. Padmé's head snapped up to look at him, having apparently not noticed his presence earlier. But, for once, she didn't look away.

"Better, I believe. She's been blaming herself...." Padmé began before dropping off, shaking her head at the words, as if in wonder of how long the girl had managed to hold herself together while holding all that unnecessary guilt.

"I wish that was surprising," Vader muttered to himself, shaking his head. He'd known since that moment all those years ago when Luna had felt guilty just from that half second look Obi-Wan had given her that his apprentice would place unwarranted responsibility for everything that had occurred all those years ago on herself. "She had subconscious guilt for the entire blasted ordeal since the Battle of Yavin!"

"....It's been that much of a problem?"

"No, not that bad," he said, waving the words away, "just that's around the time I first learned of it, amazing what a single betrayed look from a Jedi could cause. Without the memories she left it behind for the most part. I was hoping it wouldn't return, but....it's Luna."

"It's almost scary how much she reminds me of you," Padmé commented. Vader's head snapped around to face her, only to find the woman was staring at a wall, clearly not seeing said wall. "Only ever seeing the bad in what she's done. What she failed in. Never seeing herself the way anyone else with half a brain could see her." Now she turned to face him, looking the Sith straight in the eyes. "It worries me. Always has."

Vader did not really know how to respond to her words. Or the look she was giving him.

"You said you saw her memories. Can you help me try to understand?"

There were several different pleas in that single question. Understand what had made Luna this way. Understand what other bagage that may be there, resurging from all of the pressure as Vader had seen earlier. Understand how to best help.

Yet there were others. Understanding what had happened to him. What had happened that had drawn the two so close and then apart so suddenly.

For a moment, he could almost believe they were back home on Coruscant worrying over the stress the teen girl was under as they'd done so many times before.

"....Yes," the Sith finally answered.