I don't want to feel better

Fuck

Tommy's POV:

Ranboos words had finally set in as I sat on my bed. How could I do this to everyone. I'm only hurting other people I'm so selfish. I made Karl worry I made Wilbur mad, I upset dream and Eret and now Ranboo is scared. I'm such a fuck up.

After a couple minutes I stood up and walked downstairs to join everyone with eating dinner. I sighed and sat at the table. Dream had bought a new one and more chairs so everyone could sit together for dinner and not have to sit on the floor of the living room.

I sat down between Wilbur and tubbo and across from Karl. I was handed a plate and a glass of water. Will kept looking over at me as I took a sip of my water. Honestly I was starving but I hated the idea of people watching me eat. I felt disgusting. I looked up from my plate to meet eyes with Karl who gave me a slight smile.

He picked up his fork and motioned for me to do the same. I cautiously picked up my fork as well. Karl took a small bit of his food and put it in his mouth. I did the same and gagged at the texture. I slowly chewed the small bite and swallowed it.

Karl smiled at me and started the same process over again. I followed as closely as I could. He knew the promise I had made with wil and he knew wil would be somewhat upset with me if I fell back on it. After 3 more bites I stopped. I felt disgusting. I pushed my chair back "can I be excused please?" I say quickly and stand up before receiving an answer. I walked quickly to the nearest bathroom and was about to close the door when someone's foot stopped it.

Karl pulled open the door and I looked at him. I had tears threatening to fall down my face as he stepped into the bathroom and locked the door behind him. I looked down as the tears started to fall. Karl just hugged me. It was comforting but at the same time I felt so guilty.

"Come on Tommy let's go play Mario cart in the living room alright?" Karl proposed and I nodded.

"Can you leave for a minute though?" I ask quickly. "Tommy.. I'll leave you alone for 5 minutes if you promise to not try and throw up the food you just ate" Karl said and let go of me. "I promise" I say, I was lying. I mean what he doesnt know can't hurt him. I'll just do it quickly. Karl nodded and left. I locked the door and quickly tried to make myself throw up.

I thought I had been quick, I thought It would be fine but there he was knocking on the door. I had successfully gotten the food out of my system and I quickly stood up wiped my mouth off and washed my hands, flushing the toilet right before I opened the door.

"Tommy! Are you alright it's been like 7 minutes" Karl says.
"Yeah yeah I'm fine Karl down worry about it" I say and walk into the living room where Karl had already set up Mario cart. Right before starting we had tubbo and Ranboo join us. We set the game up 4 player and have everyone a remote.

"Ah ha not so fast tubbo!" Karl said and passed tubbo into first place.

"Well sorry to break it to you but thanks for your spot" Ranboo said and hit Karl with the blue shell and went from 3rd to 1st. I stayed in a calm 4th place trying not to cause ruckus between everyone.

After a bout an hour of playing tubbo had won the most rounds and it was getting late. I stood up. "I'm gonna go take a shower" I say and make my way up the stairs to Ranboos, tubbos and my shared room.

I went into the bathroom and started up the shower taking a quick look at "myself" in the mirror. Why did they even want to hang out with me I look so dead. I stepped into the shower, the water was jsut a little bit too hot and it stung against my cuts.

I didn't mind. Honestly I liked the water to burn my skin a bit. It makes me feel in control. After a while I got out of the shower and changed into a hoodie and sweatpants. I tried to dry my hair the best I could before leaving and going to lay in bed.