I don't want to feel better

Creative title

Tommy's POV:

Months had passed since the first day of the meet up and it was coming to a close. Fundy, minx, puffy and techno had already gone home due to personal reasons. It was about 2 weeks before I was supposed to be leaving  and I wasn't one bit excited.

I sat in the living room with the remaining people. These people ment the world to me and I don't want to go back home. They are like my second, less shitty, family.

It had been a bit of us all just chatting in the living room before Wilbur walked over to me.

"Can we talk?" He asked and I stood up nodding my head. We walked to his room in the house and he sat me down on his bed.

"Tommy. I really don't want to leave you alone once we all go back to our houses so I was wondering if you would like to stay with me. Just for a little! It dosnt have to be permanent and Phil is planning to stay over for a bit as well!" Wil said quickly. I smiled and laughed.

"I'd have to check with my mom but she'll probably be okay with it. I don't really want to go home either." I admitted and laughed again.

(I'm just trying to keep this shit going man. I'm at an atl rn and I have been unable to sleep)

—Time skip to idek, just later? Maybe another day? It dosnt matter I'm tired —

It was around 7pm so the sun was on the verge of being hidden behind the horizon. The sunsets in Florida are quite pretty if I'm going to be honest. As I laid in bed I thought about how I didn't really have a reason to get up anymore.

Is it really worth it to get out of bed. I can't sleep and I haven't slept in a few days. Getting out of bed is hard enough but then actually having to interact with people and take care of myself is just to hard.

I never thought I would hit rock bottom. To the point where the simplest tasks are near impossible. I'm as useful as a fucking dead fish. I don't do anything anymore.

No matter how many people shower me in love I can't help but feel so incapable. All I do is sit in bed and occasionally cry. Sometimes Ranboo or someone else physically drags me from my bed to play video games or something, but other than that there's nothing. I feel so useless.

I am so useless.

I don't make jokes like I used to. My laughs and smiles are practically sticky tacked onto my face. I keep falling apart and breaking every-time things even look up a little bit.

On the rare occasion I do get up to do anything I slap on that fake mask for maybe 10 minutes before I get exhausted of it and I just close myself off again.

I can't believe I'm this stupid. It's so simple to just be normal and okay. Why can't that be me. I just wish I was as ignorant as I was when I was a kid. So blind to the reality's of the world. Back when I was genuinely happy and okay. I really want someone to just love and support me but I can't have that if I keep closin-

My thoughts where cut off by the sound of a door opening. I turned my head slightly up, out of my blankets. I see Wilbur, Phil, Karl and dream. Great, Just great, my favorite people, I mocked sarcastically in my head.

"Tommy can you sit up really quick? We all would like to talk to you." Dream said and I slowly complied. I sat up on my bed and rubbed my eyes. I had old tear stains down my face and my eyes hurt. I rubbed my face a little bit trying to get rid off them.

"Here, eat this while we talk alright?" Karl passed me a granola bar and I hesitated before taking it.

I sighed and unwrapped the packaging. I slowly started eating it.