I don't want to feel better

Javsiabsuwjsvsb help

Sorry I haven't updated in a bit I've been going through a rough patch and I've been stressed about exams and on top of that I've been sick. So anyways enjoy this chapter that I spent a while on :)

Tommy's POV:

It only took me about 1 minute to decide I couldn't do this. I stood from the table and went back to my room and no one tried to stop me. I laid down in my bed and pulled my covers over my head as I rolled to the side.

This sucks ass

I feel like shit

I put my earbuds in and turned on some music. I covered my head with the blankets and attempt to shut out everything. My head felt like it was throbbing and I was slightly overheated but I couldn't move from the position i was already in.

I was way to comfortable to move now. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath through my nose. My throat ached in a way that made my eyes burn. I liked it a bit to much. I attempted to resist the urge to cry. The burning of my throat and stinging if my nose continued until a single tear fell down my face.

I took in a gasp of air, unaware that I was holding my breath. It had barely been 5 minutes before I hear the door faintly creak open through my ear buds. I closed my eyes before feeling someone sit on my bed. They rubbed my shoulder.

"Tommy..? You awake?" They whispered. I nodded slightly.

"Good, good. Hey look um.. I'm proud of you.. I'm proud of you for trying, alright?" I covered my mouth with my hand as more tears fell down my face.

I turned to face whoever was there and it was none other than Karl. What was I expecting? Phil? Sapnap? No, Karl is probably one of the few people who actually understand how hard this is.

I sat up slowly and pulled him into a hug. I felt him smile and it made me feel a little better.

"Karl- I'm really really sorry.." I said as I wiped my face off.

"Don't be Tommy, why would you ever need to be sorry." He said and hugged me back.

"I just- I kinda- nevermind it dosnt matter." I mumbled. Maybe it was better to not tell him. I don't need him being concerned for me. He didn't need to waste time caring about me. There's nothing good enough about me to care about.

Karl ruffled up my hair before standing up.

"Alright Tommy, if anything's bothering you I'm here for you and I'm not going anywhere." With that he left.

I let out a sigh as I sat up in bed. My sniffling had progressed into full on sobbing at this point. I put my head into my knees and just cried.

"Please just kill me I can't do this anymore." I whispered yelled at myself.

I stood from my bed as my vision went blurry. I got really dizzy before stabilizing myself on my bedside table. I took a couple deep breaths and whipped my face before making my way downstairs.

I saw people's eyes on me as I made my way down the stairs and into the downstairs bathroom. As I sat down on the floor shuffling through the drawers I was getting a sense of deja vu. I looked through the drawers as the tears crept back into my eyes.

I was barely able to hear my own thoughts through the crying. After looking through all the drawers yet again there was nothing. As I became more and more lightheaded I lost all hope in making myself feel better.

I clasped onto the floor that wasn't to far away as I was already kneeling. I covered my head with my arms as I sobbed. I heard the creak of the door opening and only then had I realized I forgot to lock it.