I don't want to feel better

I cant do this anymore

Tommy's POV:

I took in a deep breath as my phone vibrated with nonstop notifications. I checked them once or twice. Most of them were comments on my tweet like

'That makes no sense' Or things like 'if what wil said is actually true I hope you get better soon <3'

Most comments were positive but once in a while there would be a hate comment. I hated this so much. I hated everything about this situation and deep down I had a small spark of hatred towards Wilbur. As the thoughts of hating Wilbur crossed my minds I began to become upset at myself

I can't hate him. I love him like a brother.

Tears fell down my face.

I don't want to think like that.

The more I thought and thought, I realized more of a hatred I had for myself. I hated what I thought I hated what I stood for I hated how uncomfortable I made people. I hated most things about myself.

I hung my head down as I sat up in bed. I had so many thoughts of smashing my head against the wall behind me, killing myself, relapsing and so many other things I can't even list them.

I felt so useless

I never meant for anyone to find out about any of this and now probably millions know. I laid down And pulled the covers over my head as more tears fell down my face.

Why me, why did it have to be me. I listened to the door creek open. I wanted to be alone. I covered my mouth to try and quite my sobs.

They walked over to my bed and sat down on it.

"Tommy?" Phil spoke in a whisper.

I didn't respond. He reached over and rubbed my shoulder that was covered in the blanket. I continued to cry, I didn't really have a choice. I couldn't stop crying.

"Tommy, I promise that everything is going to be just fine.." he continued to speak in a hushed whisper. I shook my head and sat up on my bed.

"Don't lie to me phil." I said, my voice breaking as I spoke. "This was never meant to happen. No one was supposed to know." I finished and looked down wiping my eyes.

"I know Tommy, I know."

-time skip too idk next morning? I've lost track of the timing of this shit-

I sat in the living room alone as I played Mario party with Ranboo, Tubbo and Karl. Tubbo was in first I was in second Ranboo in third and karl in last. We had been playing for about 40 minutes.

"Tubbo I can't believe you actually just stole my star" Ranboo complained.

"Well the stupid cloud guy gave me the option and I trice on your downfall so shush." Tubbo smirked as we all laughed.

"I can't believe this, I have gotten hit off this bridge 3 times by this stupid squid." Karl said and groaned. I laughed and we all took out next turn.

The game went on for about 20 more minutes before it ended. Tubbo still in first. Ranboo in second, me in third and Karl in last.

We all had one final laugh before we split off to go do our own things. I walked up to my room and sat down at my computer.

I really should stream and talk about what happened

I thought to myself and sighed.

I opened my dms and messaged Wilbur.

'Hey Wil I think I'm gonna stream, I just want to talk about what happened and then I'll end. Nothing crazy'

'Are you sure Tommy? I don't want you to get overwhelmed.'

'It'll be fine, I'll end if I can't handle it'

'Fine, have a good stream :)'

':)'

I closed my dms and opened my stream labs (obs??? Idk what he uses) I set everything up for a just chatting stream.

I tuned on some music and put on a 'starting soon' screan. I clicked the start streaming button and watched as viewers flooded into my chat. Most were saying things like 'hey' and some where asking questions about what happened.

After taking a lot of deep breaths I switched my scene and unmuted.

"Hey chat!! How are we today!" I said with a semi loud voice.

"Alright so today we are gonna be a little bit more on the serious side. I really just wanted to adress what happened on Ranboos last stream." I cleared my throat and took another drop breath.

"I-" I stopped myself and took a sip of water. "Um I just-"

I looked over to the chat. Most messages were telling me to take my time and others were just genuinely kind messages. It made me feel a little bit better about the situation.

"God damn there's a lot of people here.." I said. "Um chat I'm gonna.. take a quick minute." I leaned back in my chair and ran my hands down my face after I changed over to a 'BRB ' screen.

I drank some more water and cleared my throat. I felt my eyes welling up with tears but I quickly whipped them away. I changed the scene back and unmuted myself.

"Alright chat. I don't really know how I want to say this and I really had no preparation for this stream." I said. "Fuck I should've had a notes thing for this." I mumbled.

"Alright so what happened on Ranboos stream may have cause some.. discomfort and confusion.. I don't know how to word it.. Um, but I just really wanted to say that you all don't need to be worrying about me. Im going to be fine. I have everyone here and they are all actively trying to help me out. I appreciate them a lot for that." I felt tears in my eyes as I quickly looked down and whipped them away.

"So all the stuff said on Ranboos stream.. it was- somewhat true but I promise you all that everything is going to be fine because it's fine. Everything is within my calculations. Mhm.. it's all gonna be fine " I laughed (Fucking sobbing). Tears feel down my face at an uncontrollable pace.

"I really appreciate everything you guys have given me the possibilities to do and I don't want you all to worry to hard about me, alright?" I coughed as I choked on a sob.

"Sorry.. sorry- sorry." I said and whipped my face. I tilted my head up and tried to take some deep breaths. "I promise you all that I will be fine. This has been going on for a while it isn't just a random thing. I definitely didn't want this information to be public but I can't really do anything about it anymore." I took a deep breath.

"I thought that I kinda owed y'all something after that thing on Ranboos stream so-, maybe we play some Minecraft?? I'll probably mute and y'all can just watch me play but yeah. Bye guys, technically I guess." I turned off my camera and mic and then opened Minecraft. I got into hypixal and started playing bedwars.

I played bed wars for about and hour and typed in Minecraft chat to answer random things that viewers said in chat.

After the hour I quickly said bye and need stream.
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Word count: 1226

Oops I forgot to add an authors note. This is rushed and stuff but I've been going through it and I'm just trying to keep this plot moving. Idk if or when or how I'm going to end this fic so stick around and see. Maybe drop a follow or something idk