M.A.D

Two

The bright fluorescent lights over head shine blinding white light on my face as I step into the pharmacy. All along the back wall behind the counter is a mirror. This is the first time I've seen myself since this morning and Jesus, I look like what Mumford threw up the other day.

'Erm hi, I have a prescription to pick up for Brie Jones.' Making as little eye contact as possible, I smile at the cashier and fiddle with the random pens laid out on the counter. I don't say much else because I hate talking to people, ever since everyone stopped talking to me, it became my mission to avoid people as best I can.

The woman went off to find my pills and I was left standing at the desk. I notice a few more people in the building than I first thought. Praying the cashier doesn't say what my pills are or for. It's always the same in this pharmacy, no matter how long you give them to find your prescription, you are guaranteed to be waiting at least twenty minutes.

You know when you can feel eyes burning Into the back of your head, well imagine that but ten times more intense. That is exactly what I'm feeling right now. I'm to self conscious to look at the person to check because what if they are looking at me and I make eye contact with them, or worse, they talk to me.
To distract myself further, I take out my book that I like to write down everything the cashier says so I can refer back to it if I need to. I write the date, and wait for the woman to return. As minutes went by, that feeling of being watched only increases and I'm feeling very uncomfortable. Just breath Brie, you're ok, no one is watching you.

Being snapped and saved from my spiralling mind, a name is called to collect their order. 'Harry Styles?' Standing in the direction my brain sensed my watcher, a tall man in a black suite pushes himself off of the wall and walks to the desk. He just looks rich. You know those types of people that give off that impression. He's probably got at least twenty of those tailored suits at home.

'Address please?' The woman waits for him to reply, now a lot more chipper she's seen who he is. He leans onto the desk with a half smile, cupping his hands round his mouth and whispers that I'm guessing is his house address. On the other side of the desk, another woman leans over and calls my name. Almost to engrossed in this strangers business, I snap myself out of it.

'Brie Jones?' Why am I blushing? I've picked up pills here loads of times, it's nothing to be embarrassed about. Maybe it's because me and this handsome stranger now both know each other's names? I scramble to my feet a-little to quickly, tripping on my own feet. My cheeks are burning, I know they are. Calm down Brie for fuck sake! 'Yeah, thanks.' I just about pay the woman, pretty much holding my breath now that I'm standing beside 'Harry Style'. Brie! For fuck sake! Stop getting googley eyes for a stranger! Boyfriend remember.

I give the woman a strained smile and wait for her to hand me my pills. 'Ok Miss Jones. Your doctor has informed us that he'd like a consultation with you sometime this week. Nothing serious- oh yes, would you like to jot this down. You'll need to remember this.' Great, way to put the 'stupid' spotlight on me lady. Nothing says 'you're stupid' like having to write everything down. Briefly closing my eyes, I don't mean to let out a dramatic sigh and pinch my eyes with my freehand.
'Sure, thanks.' I flip open my book and get to a free page.

'Ok my dear, he's going to ring you tomorrow. It says here at 12pm. Is that ok with you?' A warmth has made its way to her voice now that she realised that I'm not just a normal customer. I know she's just being polite but it makes me feel like an idiot. I don't want special treatment, I just want to be normal.

If matters couldn't get any worse, that guy that won't stop looking at me had slowly crept closer to me without me realising it.
The lady who I was speaking to has now moved on to serve some other customer but I'm not finished writing down what she told me. I hate this, I always panic because if I need to be reminded of what they've said and they're talking to someone else, I feel rude just butting in. My hands are now sweating, pen slipping in my grip, my hearts beating out of my chest and there's that stupid feeling again where I'm just making things more difficult for others.

Just when I think I'm going to have a moment, a deep voice starts to speak next to me. 'Are you all jelly head today? Having to write stuff down?' My body automatically goes into defence mode, shutting down the second anyone mentions my memory. I've been like this since I was young, shutting down and freezing. I guess it's my bodies way of protecting itself. I know he probably means well and nothing malicious about it, but that doesn't stop my brain from thinking they're out to hurt me and make fun of me.

Not sure what to do or how to react, I hadn't noticed the beads of tears collecting in the corners of my eyes, that roll onto my cheeks as I blink them away. I can't make eye contact, I can't even look at his expensive designer shoes. All I can do is run as as fast as I can out of the pharmacy. Shoving my pills into my pocket and pulling my hood up to shield my bright red teared filled face, I speed walk out of there and go get my food.
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How are we feeling about Brie, I personally love her she's just a-little fragile. Stay smiling love to all, E x