M.A.D

Twenty two

WARNING! This chapter does include some very serious and some what disturbing topics such as suicide. If you wish to skip this chapter and chapter 23 by all means do so. I will have a small recap chapter after chapter 23 talking about anything important talked about in the chapters and a recap of what's happened so far, that way you won't have to read anything you feel uncomfortable with. Take care of yourselves, this is gonna be a rough one, love to all, E x

Bries POV

Grey.

That is all I've seen for two days.

I hate that my days have lost there colour and I don't have that vivid green to keep me on my toes anymore. It's not Harry's fault tho. He has tried countless times to get ahold of me but I am in no right mind to see him, or anyone actually. Not even my brothers. I've noticed over the last few weeks, Callum and Robin haven't really been on my tail as much lately, maybe they are just giving me some space to be with Harry. But if they knew what has been happening, they'd be here in seconds breaking my door down.

I did try my hardest not to spiral. After a very stressful breakdown on my hallway floor two days ago, I forced myself up to get into bed and sleep away the pain but that only made matters worse. I don't remember the last time I got out of bed, I don't have the energy to get up and pee and Mumford is crying relentlessly in my face for food. Im sorry Mumford. I know I'm not good enough for you.

'Ok hunny. I'm getting up now, promise.' Scratching behind his ears, I pick him up and pull him into my chest, loving the way he always smells. Like my legs had turned to led, I drag myself to the kitchen to get him some food. Not for me tho, I haven't been able to stomach anything since the other day. I feel so guilty.

From the other room, I hear my phone dinging, so I sort Mumford out and go grab my phone.

From H: Brie. Please, did I do something wrong when I last saw you? Was it all just to much for you? Please just- just message or call back just so I know you're ok. If not, I am going to just turn up at your house and break the door down if I have to..... I mean that in the most non threatening way possible. Miss you, H xx

Shit. Harry thinks he did something wrong. This just makes everything so must worse. I can't tell him what I've been dealing with, he already has so much going on with everything to do with Janes things and stuff, he doesn't need this on top of all that.
Not wanting to lie to him but also not wanting to tell him the truth, all I can do is just ignore him and hope he understands.

I've been thinking about how little my death would effect the people around me.

How my brothers have their own lives to live and the fact they're constantly worrying about me makes me wonder how much better off they'd be if I just disappeared. I've been thinking about how I could drop Mumford off at their house like I sometimes do and make all the pain go away.

It's not like I've got anything important to live for. No important job role or kids to care for. God if only think would have gone the way they were planned, I wouldn't be in this cycle of never ending thoughts about how my life was supposed to be. I know I live in the past, but I can't help it. All I ever wanted was to be happy.

I've been thinking a lot about the pictures I received two days ago and if they were more than just a sad joke played by Chad. What if they're from someone completely random who I don't even know. I've thought about calling Chad multiple times and asking him if he's the one behind all of this but then that part of me is saying, what if he's not the one behind it and then I've just invited him back into my life after trying so hard to kick him out. But then what if he is the one behind it. What then? Do I just say 'hey that's not funny, also where's the missing photo?'