Memory loss, Anxiety and Depression. When you hear all three in a sentence you probably think of old, senile grandparents that are simply loosing the fight against ageing. Follow along with Brie, a 23 year old woman working her way through life with...
Ash has been coming round every night to check on me, but each time he does, it only makes me feel worse. I feel guilty that I'm taking up his time away from his family. He's got such a nice normal family. Wife, two kids, nice house. He mentioned calling my brothers to come look after me until I get out of this rut I've got myself in. Chad hasn't been round in days. I've sent him multiple messages asking where he is but- nothing. Even Ash has rang and texted him, so you know he's in the wrong for this when Ash intervenes.
Poor Mumford. He doesn't deserve such a shitty mum. I've just not had to head space to entertain him. Last night I was jolted awake from a nightmare only to find him playing by himself with my dressing gown tie. I've not completely neglected him. I still make sure to feed him and give him cuddles in bed.
As the days go by, still no word from Chad. That nagging feeling is back, ready to cause some more unnecessary trouble in my life. It's also been radio silence from Harry. Is it wrong I want Harry to message me first rather than Chad? I want to know more about him, I literally only know where he works and his name. But, just because I want to know more, does not mean I'm going to do anything about it. After what happened at the bar, I was so embarrassed, I had Ash message Harry as if he were me, to politely cancel our coffee meet.
The only reply I got back was 'Shame, I was looking forward to ask you my questions. Let's re-schedule another time.' Ash insisted he had good intentions with that, and I shouldn't take it as 'he never wants to bother with me again.'
Why would he want to see me again tho. I acted like a complete idiot at the pub, then I stood him up. I swear, if down the line his face appears on the news with 'cannibal', I want fifty quid, I'm putting my bets on now.
I've got to stop thinking about Harry. Chad is the one that needs my attention. He's my boyfriend. I've not been making enough time for him, that's our problem. After a few more hours of waiting for a reply from Chad, I can't stand it any longer. I crawl out of my pit I've made in my bed, covered in wrappers and other random crap I've been to tired to put away. I think, what would Chad want to see me like right now. What did he fancy about me when we first got together.
Granted my body isn't as good as it used to be, a few extra rolls here and there, but I'm still me, that's got to count for something right? I hate my body. I hate everything about it. I hade how it looks and I hate it for what it did. But, I have to suck it up. If I want to keep Chad happy, I have to act like I'm fine and please him.
Two hours it took me to find something half decent in my wardrobe and get ready. Two hours and one and a half bottles of wine for Dutch courage later, I went all out. I don't have a lot of money for clothes and nice things, so when I need to dress nice, which is not often at all, I have my go-to black dress.
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I wouldn't say I look great but it's something at least. I need to get to his place before I change my mind, so I call a taxi and go wait outside. No going back.
