M.A.D

Six

Somewhere between breaking down in the bathroom of my brothers house to now, they must have found me and drove me home. I can't even begin to imagine what Harry thought of me, having to walk out of that bathroom, bright red, Post breakdown. I vaguely remember saying I just want to be left alone.

When I have 'episodes' like that, it's even harder for me to remember what happened and or what I said during. I'm just grateful that my brothers knew it was best for me to go home rather than suffer at their house. It's been over an hour since I got home and I only know that because Callum messaged me as soon as I stepped through the door, saying 'how nice it was to see me today' and 'we should do it again soon.' I know he wants to talk about what happened but, he and Rob think mentioning my 'episodes' while I'm alone is just trouble waiting to happen. Everyone walks on eggshells around me. I just thought my brothers understand me better than that.

I know tonight is going to be a bad night, it's already heading in that direction. Personally, the thought of ending my life after a night like this only makes me feel sick to my stomach. The thought of my brothers having to deal with that, probably thinking it was their fault builds a pain in my chest I can't explain.

And there it is.

This has kicks started the memory train of pain and shame at exactly 11pm. I can't stop the memories flooding to the front of my mind. The look on Chads face when he was rushed into the hospital to find me in bits in a hospital bed.
The best I can do is take my anti depressant pill and hope my mind wonders off to something else. Anything other than that day.

But whom I kidding. Of course I'm not that lucky.

It's a cruel joke when you can remember your worst moments even when you're sleeping. Flashes of that day being rushed into emergency care. It was just supposed to be a check up.

Being jolted awake by my own memories, I'm sweating and shaking. Not again. Looking over at my phone, I swipe the screen to see the time reading 4:02am. Damn it, if it was just a little later I wouldn't have to go back to sleep. I have work again tomorrow at 9am.

Picking up my phone, I notice a message from Chad. I should just leave it and go back to sleep, that is what you should do Brie, just go back to sleep.

Putting it back on the bed side table, I can't keep my eyes closed. What if somethings happened and Chad needs me? I lay looking up at the ceiling for probably five minutes when another message pops up. Again, it's chad. What does he want at this bloody time?

That nagging wonder eats me away, giving me no other option than to open the messages and see what he wants.

3 miss calls from- chad.

2 unread messages from- Chad.

Chad: Brie! Pleaz come + pick me up Fromm the bar! Fuck sake. Im pissed please Brie.

Chad: Are you fucking serioussss! You're my GF Brie! Come + get me!

He knows I hate when he does this. I've told him countless times he can't go and get drunk and expect me to go and get him. I don't even drive, all I have is my bike. What does he expect me to do? Peddle home giving him a backy?

The one half of me is telling me, DO NOT go and get him. You shouldn't have to deal with this. But then the more aggressive half is telling me, if I don't go and get him, he will find a more pretty, friendly woman that will be more than happy to take him home.

Letting that idea fester a little longer on my subconscious, I may be stupid and a ball of emotions but I am definitely not scared enough to let some tramp take my boyfriend home.