final round - lrh

fifty-four.

 I didn't get much sleep.

Instead, I spent most of the night crying while Luke held me in his arms and I tried to convince myself everything was going to be okay. However, I know it's dumb for me to think such a thing as I just lost one of most important people here to me.

He rubbed my arm and held me close, trying to calm me down but we both knew it'd be an impossible task. In fact, I could barely feel his touch as I was consumed by such an isolating feeling that made me feel so alone and betrayed.

That's something not even Luke could fix.

I must've finally allowed sleep to take over me in the early morning as I was woken up by my own alarm. I know Luke gets up earlier than I do so I don't doubt that he's been up for a while.

So as I reach towards my bedside table, arm stretching to turn off my alarm, I definitely don't fail to notice the lack of contact beside me. I don't mind as I know Luke has a million and one things to do in the morning and it's not his sole responsibility to ensure I'm okay at all times.

However, just as I turn off my alarm, I'm shocked to hear Luke's voice in my room as it practically scares me half to death.

"I was going to let you sleep in a bit longer."

I look up, seeing him in front of my mirror as he gels down his hair, ensuring it's perfectly intact as he keeps his attention on himself in the mirror, not looking in my direction.

"I need to get up," is all I say, not wanting to spend any time moping in bed and coming off as if I'm not emotionally stable enough to handle situations like this.

"Lila..."

"I can't just lay in here and feel sorry for myself all day," I say, going towards my clothes in order to pick out an outfit, just like any other day. "Doing that benefits no one."

"You can at least have the morning to get yourself together... I can bring breakfast to you."

"Not necessary," is all I say, walking into the bathroom with the new set of clothes and preparing to change. I shut the door behind me, ridding myself of my current pajamas as I turn on the sink to brush my teeth as well.

I know I may be acting cold but he knows I don't want the special treatment. He knows I don't want him attempting to convince me to stay back and hide, as opposed to going out and continuing on with my day as I should.

I have a feeling he may be anxious as well as he went off for around an hour last night in order to find Calum and Ashton and fill them in as well. I also don't doubt that he filled Declan in on all the missing pieces. I haven't seen him since and all I can hope for is the possibility that he won't bring them up but I'm sure he'll want to hear from me about it all.

Luke knows that me entering the cafeteria this morning leaves for the possibility of everyone either acting extremely uncomfortable in my presence or pestering me with questions. I'm sure he doesn't want either happening.

As I turn off the sink, finishing the process of brushing my teeth, I take a look into the mirror and don't fail to notice just how red my eyes are. I look exhausted and I know I have the long night I spent crying to thank for that. On top of that, the bags under my eyes are extremely evident as they're impossible to miss.

I look like a mess.

Knowing there's nothing to do about it as I have no makeup to cover myself up in, I just grab a brush and tug my hair into a high ponytail, preparing myself for the hell of a day that's to come. I know today isn't going to be easy but physical pain sounds a lot better than the emotional pain I'm feeling right now.