No Ordinary Love |KTH|

Because of Time

I woke up from a nightmare. But more like a memory. I was a child again, young and naive playing with my dad outside in our backyard while it was snowing.

My mom was out doing god knows what and my siblings found me too unbearable at my age to even try talking to. My clothes filled me out before my face ever did. My body said thirty but I was no older than eleven.

Dad tussle and wrestled with me showing me all the moves I tried mimicking by watching TV. I laughed, I screamed, he would pick me up and throw me around and lay me gently on the pillows of snow.

Don't tell your mother.

And then I woke up, with sweat lining my back and my hair feeling like second skin. My breathing was erratic and my fists clenched the sheets underneath because I couldn't decipher if this was real or not. Am I still dreaming or am I awake? I stared ahead for what probably was forever until the voice in my head soothed me again.

He's not here anymore. He's not going to hurt you.

There's something so powerful about having a nightmare. Where your dreams can become a haunting memory of guilt or lies. People would dig around the verity before they accept the true essence of what a nightmare is. It's the truth, and we fear the truth. But my truth, my nightmare doesn't just haunt my dreams, it has haunted my whole being.

I got up and walked over to the dresser and I looked in the mirror. I moved a hand down my abdomen, where my scars are the darkest and most defined. Then I trail down my arms, my legs, in between my thighs. There fading, but it's something about my stomach and the huge stain he left imprinted on me that makes me remember. I sometimes forget it's there, not realizing maybe Tae has seen them or not.

My morning started as soon as my back hit the shower tiles and I began washing my hair. It's been a few days since I've straightened it and I miss my curls already.

Aunt Melissa said the dye is gonna look better with the natural state of my hair and I'm excited to see. Since it's wash day I hadn't planned anything at all. The holidays are still approaching but we already established we're not doing anything special.

It's also been a few days since I've last seen Taehyung. We've been texting occasionally but I'm sure he'd mention leaving today or tomorrow I'm not too sure.

I had a speaker inside the bathroom with me as I lathered my hands with soap and started at my roots then made my way down to my ends. Pineapples and light floral scents hit my nose and I moaned.

I love the smell of natural hair products.

After my shower, I started my day and came downstairs with nothing in particular to do but to bother my aunt and uncle on their day off. But instead, I was greeted with another surprise. As soon as I turned the corner I stopped in my tracks to see Taehyung sitting on the couch with a teacup in his hand.

He exerted his pinkie out and sipped while my Aunt talked around him. When they felt my presence they looked at me and I felt like I walked in on something I wasn't supposed to see. Maybe if I just walk back slowly they won't see me.

"Oh, Ellie just in time!" Too late. "I invited Taehyung over when I was out buying groceries. I thought you might wanna see him before he leaves tomorrow."

Tomorrow. It felt like such a shorter distance away from today. Tae observed me with doe eyes that were clueless about everything. His hair combed back out of his face and gelled to the side showing his tampered sides.

Today his outfit was a bit different. He wore a short sleeve black tee with ripped jeans at the knees. A large Cuban link chain hung around his neck and glistened when catching the light.