I was forced into these therapy sessions. The people I love and trust most in this world think I'm broken and need fixed. I have my first session with Dr. Min Yoongi, a renowned psychiatrist and all my doubts are abolished. His ice-cold eyes pierce...
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"A therapist?!" I was furiously shouting at my mother. "Yes honey, you need someone to talk to." I stomp around the living room, acting like an angry child. "I'm a grown ass woman! I can handle my own problems." My mom comes to me and tries to reason with me. She grabs hold of my shoulders and forces me to look at her. "There's nothing wrong with talking to someone. This doctor is world renowned! The best my money I could buy." I ignore her, trying to break free of her grasp. "I don't want you to hurt anymore, I want you to live a happy life and to do that you have to face your fears and fix your issues."
My Issues. What a thing for her to say. All of my problems, phobias and fears aren't my fault. I buried deep my memories from my childhood, but the issues remained. "You wasted your money!" I spit out angrily. This was insulting and humiliating. Not only did my mother decide this for me, but she also openly told me I was broken.
"Just meet with him once. Test the waters, please honey." She was pleading, her eyes were filled with worry. Despite how I was acting, I loved my mother more than anything on this planet. It hurt me to see her worried. So, I surrendered. "Fine. When do I go?" My mother took a step back, knowing the answer was going to infuriate me.
"Monday." I threw my hands into the air. "That's in two days! How did you manage to book this 'renowned' therapist so early?!" I use air quotes and my mom shrugs her shoulders. "When I briefly told him about you, he seemed interested and knew he could help." Ugh. This doctor already thinks he can fix me. Maybe I don't want to be fixed. Perhaps I've learned to live with my crippling anxiety and fears.
"Send me the address and time to my phone, I need to get out of here." I grab my phone and coat, leaving the house instantly. I dig my keys out of my coat pocket as I walk briskly to my car. I'm going to my safe haven, my happy place. I need to complain and whine to my best friend.
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Parking my car in the apartment garage, I take the elevator to my best friend's level. I step off onto his floor and walk to the front door, then bang on it. Soon after, he answers the door by swinging it open. His eyebrows furrowed, annoyed at the intrusion but then he sees it's me and smiles. "Hoseok, I'm pissed." He tilts his head and steps aside to let me into his home.
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"What's the matter?" He closes his front door and Hoseok comes to me. He wraps me up in a wonderful hug, I can feel my anger melting from my body, out through my toes. I sigh, happy for a split second before I go off on my rant. "My mom! She's off the deep end! She scheduled me an appointment with some famous therapist. She thinks I'm some broken mess and this dude can fix me!"
Hoseok runs his fingers through my hair, petting my head. He lets me rant, I always loved that about him. No matter what I'm mad about he always takes my side. Until now. "Maybe it's a good idea." I shove him away and look at him bewildered. "What did you just say?" Was everyone against me all of sudden? He grabs my hands and holds my fingertips in his grasp.
"Listen to me for once. I've known you for years, I've seen how your anxiety, low self-esteem and paranoia has ruined plenty of things in your life. When's the last time you dated a guy longer than a month?" I rip my fingers from his hands. Coming here was a mistake, my best friend was siding with my mother as well.
"I came here for comfort. I sought my best friend's love. But here you are insulting me too. Telling me I'm broken and un-dateable?" I scoff, highly annoyed at this turn of events. "Maybe when it comes to men, I'm not the problem!" I give him a sassy look up and down, insinuating that his species is the problem, not me. Hoseok laughs, it rings like a bell in my heart. Any other time I would have loved to hear it and see that radiant smile of his. But right now, I'm pissed.
"I won't argue that most guys suck. But anytime a man gets close to you, you close yourself off and make a run for it!" I cross my arms angrily and huff. "I can't help how I feel." Hoseok walks over to me again and cups my face in his hands. "No, you can't but you can learn to understand how you feel and how to deal with it." I stare at his sharp, almond shaped eyes. He finally reached me. He was making sense. I sigh.
"I guess that doesn't sound so bad," I shrug, and pout my lips. Honestly, I was annoyed that I lost this fight. Hoseok smiled and hugged me. "This is already a step in the right direction, I'm proud of you." I try to refuse my body from hugging him back, but it can't be helped. Like in autopilot mode, my arms land around his shoulders. "When do you go?" He asks next and I have to ignore the urge to get furious again. "Monday! Somehow my mother got me in super quick!" Hoseok laughed. "Maybe that's for the best. So, you can't run away like you always do."
