Psychology of Love (MYG 18+)

Coffee and Mochi

Driving back to my house, I feel a tinge better than I had. Hoseok always knew how to calm me down, it's like he had some sort of magic touch. He had done this for years; I would barge into his apartment with life problems, and he would absolve them. If I was capable of love, I would want to fall in love with Hoseok. Those types of feelings were never there though. I loved him like a brother and neither one of us ever crossed that line. It was better that way.

This stupid therapist better blow me away from the get-go. I'd give him one solidary chance, that's the least I could do for my mother and my best friend. I don't owe anything to myself, but I do owe them.

I can't help but already feel anxious about this whole situation. There were only three people in the world that I confided in. I told them my deepest, darkest secrets. Those people were my mother, Hoseok, and my other friend Jimin. I trusted them. But this situation was so foreign for me. I had to walk into a room with a complete stranger and confess everything to him like he's some priest who can save my soul.

This therapist was probably some fifty-year-old man who was happily married and had two perfect children. People like him could never understand what it's like to be me. He was a male, he had privileges that I never could have. He wasn't raised the way I was. How could he truly see my issues and fix them? This would certainly be interesting if nothing else.

I arrive back home and all the lights at my house are out. I just want to go straight to bed. Today has been a shitshow and I just want to sleep and get this 24 hours over with. I fall into my bed and instantaneously sleep takes me.

It's a hectic Sunday afternoon at the coffee shop where I work. We have been unusually busy today; customers didn't seem to stop coming. I've worked at 'But First, Coffee' for a year now. And that in itself was an amazing achievement. I had my father's temper and a low tolerance to take anyone's shit, so I often left jobs shortly after I started them.

As the afternoon rush slows down, I look over at the single reason I've stayed at this job this long. My friend Jimin, looking absolutely adorable in his work outfit, wearing a tan apron. Jimin was working here before I ever came along, but we became friends instantly once I met him. We butt heads sometimes, but I think that's because we are so similar. Over the year since we met, Jimin has seen me at me worst. He's seen my phobias and anxiety kick in and he would do his best to calm me down.

"These people are nuts today. Did you make any tips?" Jimin asks me and I step over to him. I shake my head no. "I've made about fifty dollars in tips alone. I'll share with you." I laugh, he was always so sweet. I'm not surprised at all that he gets tipped constantly. There are reoccurring female customers who come in here every day just to see him. Not that I could blame them. Jimin was extremely charming and ridiculously good looking. He had a jawline that could slice glass and eyes that could melt the biggest glacier in the Arctic.

I shove Jimin's shoulder. "It's because you're pretty." Jimin giggles, his sweet eyes disappear from his smile. His cheeks steal a hint of redness. I knew for a while now that Jimin had a crush on me. He has never out right said it, but the way he acted around me and me alone showed it. I wondered why he never asked me out. I might have tried to date him when we first met. But now that I know what a kind, amazing person he is, I could never hope to hurt him. And I would, I always did hurt the people I dated.

The shift finally ends, I yank off my apron and fold it, putting it under my arm. "Want to go out for a drink?" Jimin asks me, placing his elbow on my shoulder and standing close to me. "I can't Jiminie, I have to go early to that stupid appointment." Jimin nods once and gives me a sad smile. "Oh right, that." Jimin walks me to my car, something he has done every day we would work together.

"Try not to scare off your psychiatrist." Jimin teases and flicks the bottom of my chin playfully. I can't help but laugh, he's probably right. I might scare the poor old dude off. Jimin wraps me in a warm hug and tells me goodbye. The hug lasts longer than it would with platonic friends. I pat his shoulder to wordlessly tell him that I'm done hugging. "Night beautiful," Jimin says and winks at me before leaving to go to his car. I roll my eyes, he's always such a flirt.

I start my car and blast my heat. These winter nights have been getting colder and colder. I hated January. It was such a dreary month of the year. Positive people like it because it signifies a new year, a new beginning. But every year, month and day were all the same to me. I saw nothing special about January. Except when it snowed. I had a soft spot for snow. It snowed on the day I was born.