Psychology of Love (MYG 18+)

Ego

There's an awkward silence that falls over us now. It's hanging like a dark cloud before a storm. My heart was still racing. I wanted him, I wanted him so badly, but he apparently didn't feel the same. Maybe he's just pitying me. He knows I'm a mental case and maybe he's just dating me out of pity. I try to blink away the tears that are welling up. The fact he didn't feel the same as me hurt. It hurt so badly.

"I'm going to the bathroom." I say emotionless. I stand up and am about to step away when Yoongi grabs my wrist stopping me. He stands up beside me, the blanket falling to his feet. "I know you don't want me analyzing you, but I can see when someone is hurt." I turn my head away from him and pull my wrist away from his hand. "I-I just want to be alone." "No."

I turn around and look at him. "Talk to me." He says softly. It makes my heart ache. I wish he knew he much I liked him. It was enough to scare me. Usually by now in a relationship I would be running for the hills. But it was quite the opposite with him. I wanted him closer, always. I don't speak though. I'm afraid to put the words out there. Afraid of rejection.

I step to walk away, and Yoongi grabs my shoulder, turning me around forcibly. His head is tilted downwards and he's looking at me under hooded eyes. He steps towards me, I step backwards. We continue this game until my back smacks into a wall. I begin to panic. "It's my job to know what someone is thinking." He says deeply. I just blink as he comes to stand near me, he leans forward, putting his hand on the wall right by my head. "You think I don't want you?" I quickly turn my head to the side and close my eyes. I didn't want to answer that.

Swallowing hard, I'm squeezing my eyes shut. I hear a dark chuckle escape his lips. Yoongi leans in and whispers in my ear. "Quite the opposite." He runs a finger down my shoulder and arm. My heart rate picks up again. "If I had let my urges take over my senses, we'd be doing something completely different right now. But I want, no, I need you to know that you're more than that to me."

My eyes open and I'm looking into those dark chocolate irises. Yoongi picks up my right hand and places it against his chest. "Feel my heart. You do that to me." I concentrate on the rhythm I feel against my palm. His heart was indeed racing, about as quickly as mine. One corner of my mouth turns up, a small smirk comes across my face. That was undeniable proof. If he didn't care his heart wouldn't be beating like that.

Leaving my hand on his chest, Yoongi leans in, our lips are centimeters apart. "There's something special between us, and I don't want to rush anything. I want to savor this." I swallow at his words; my stomach is attacked with butterflies. I feel his soft lips brush against mine and I feel his heartbeat pick up even faster now. Yoongi kisses me, very soft kisses. I feel his heart speeding, it was as fast as mine.

Yoongi pulls back, his face a bit flushed. "See? You feel that?" I only nod. Yoongi looks up at a clock that's hanging conveniently above our heads. "It's getting late, how about we go to sleep?" He tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear, and I smile. "Okay."

Grabbing my hand, Yoongi leads me upstairs. "There's a spare bedroom if you don't feel comfortable sleeping in the same bed as me." I watch his back as we climb the stairs. I wanted to sleep in the same bed, I really did. But I was hideous in the morning. Not to mention my morning breath, just the idea gave me anxiety, so I opted for the spare bedroom. "I-I'll sleep by myself." I hear a chuckle ahead of me. "That's fine."

He shows me the spare. "You can stay here then; my room is right across the hall. I'll go find something for you to sleep in." Yoongi leaves the room and I look around the room. It's decent sized, there's a full-size bed in the middle of the room, neatly made. It looks like it was barely used. The room is a soft baby blue with tan accents. It still amazed me that he could decorate so well. He seemed too perfect. I'm sure he had flaws, but I was yet to find them.

"Okay, here's a baggy shirt of mine and some basketball shorts." Yoongi reappears and hands me the clothes. I take them from his hands. "Thank you." Yoongi nods, running his hand through his hair. "Okay, well goodnight. If you need anything, I'm right over here." He gestures across the hall. He leaves my room and goes into his. He gives me a cute smile before shutting the door but leaving it cracked.

Que the internal struggle. I begin to miss him the very instant he left the room. There's something about his presence that is so calming and peaceful, it's something I started to crave. He was always so calm and collected. The only time I've seen him upset and rattled was the day I went into psychosis. It must have really frightened him.

I change into his clothes; they smell freshly washed. I chew on my fingernail, fighting with myself with whether or not I should just go in there. I hear Holly's collar jingling around as she paws at Yoongi's door and scurries inside. I can see some of Yoongi's body lying on his bed through the crack in the door. My heart raced. My feet carried me, not my brain. Soon I was entering his room. He looked up, he was laying on his side and Holly was in front of him.

"Is it too late to change my mind?" I ask sheepishly, and Yoongi shakes his head. "Of course not." He pats part of the bed beside him and I walk in and climb on top of the tall, large bed. It was extremely cushy and most likely a king size. I turn on my side and smile at him as Yoongi stares at me. He looks so lovely, his hair away from his face.

"Goodnight, Yoongi." He smiles. "Goodnight."