Midnight Mass (jacksfilms one shot) Day 31

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(Co written with Diamonds and Emeralds) 
       It was the last day of the year, and Jack was already very sweaty and nasty. He had forgotten to give Erin a gift, "Oh no!" John moaned. Jack only wanted to give the best to Erin, so he went to where he can find the best thing for his bestie, The Dollar Tree. He looked through the isles. "What would be the best thing to give my girlboss of a malewife." He whaled.
        He looks up and down the isles for 69 minutes and 420 seconds. He came across the extremely trustworthy dollar tree condoms, but figured they would never be put to use.  "Maybe I can give them to Erin for her to use with her boyfriend, Chad?" He ponders with his index and thumb under his chin and tapping toe. Suddenly, he smelled something delicious, that carried him away, as purple smoke surrounded him. It smelled almost as good as Erin's boyfriend, which he also had a crush on. In fact, they almost smelled as good as Jack's boyfriend. 
        Finally, he found the perfect gift. A picture frame! Maybe, Erin could imagine having a better husband who has a real job. He then grabbed a gift bag that announced, "It's a boy!" He was sure THIS one wouldn't blow up! 
        As he walked into the house saying his signature catch phrase, "Bazinga, the moon isn't real!", he realized that his gift is dumb, and should have gotten her some lay epic merch instead, link in the description. Jack scrambled around, panicking over his options as he ran smack dab into his wife at the stroke of midnight, giving her a big fat juicy, slobbery kiss. 
        "Aww, dang it! I wanted to wait till marriage!" He moaned once more.  "Woof woof!"

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