Shadowed love

trauma

Flipping down the mirror in the car, I checked my bleeding nose. Turns out you should not start calling a wolf to go while you're sitting on the ground. Took the damn thing to show Kyle and Cody and the next thing you know it barrels into me and head butts my nose.

" You good?" Kyle asked, leaning on the open window. " He's chill now."

" Oh I'm fine." I said, pushing the mirror up and grabbing his leash. Kyle opened the door for me so I could get out. " I gotta pick up Drayce. Wanna come?"

He shook his head. " Nah. I'd rather not be in the back with that thing. He's cute and all but too big to be in a car."

Letting out a laugh, I snapped on the leash. " Tell me about it. It's like walking a bear."

He chuckled a little but his smile started to fade then a questioning look crossed his eyes. Oh now what? The thing isnt an actual bear clearly. What'd I say?

He glanced at me once again. " Nat, I have an honest question... Why did you give him a chance? After all that has happened. Why him?"

My heart squeezed and I stayed quiet for a moment, opening the back seat door to let the wolf jump in and onto the thick seat covers to save the leather from nail punctures or scratches.

Turning around once I closed the door, I found his eyes. " When you're not fed love off a silver spoon you learn to lick it from knives." I replied.

Kyle shook his head and Cody finally came up to see what all the commotion about. Instead of filling Cody in, Kyle just stared at me. He knows. I can see the understanding in his eyes and we both know exactly how this trauma started. Straight from the first people I loved. Specifically our dad. He didn't exactly not give us any love, it was just poison dipped and wrapped in barbwire most of the time.

" Look. I know it wasn't great growing up but at least you had us."

" It's kinda different when it comes from you guys."

Kyle and Cody exchanged glances. Come on, how can they not get it? They're my brothers! Its different! They don't really have the parent qualities that ours were supposed to have and its unfair!

My heart stung at my own thoughts and I think Kyle noticed. " We tried our best, Nat. I'm sorry if you feel like we weren't good enough for you to feel loved."

Great. Now we're arguing because I decided to open that can of worms. I should have just kept my mouth shut.

" It's not that you weren't good enough. It's just different because you're not parents and its-"

Cody interrupted me. " Weird that you used to lay on us while we hid in Kyle's bedroom when they'd fight?"

I opened my mouth to speak but Kyle started to talk first. " Yeah, and when we'd be the ones to make sure you were at school. To make sure you were ready. To protect you every damn time dad would lose his shit?"

Why are they turning on me? I didn't mean it that way. If they'd just let me explain...

Cody started talking before I could. " The ones who took the fall for you when you left the gate open and Dixie got out? Remember who got whipped for that?"

Biting my lip, i felt tears burn and threaten to fall. Why are they doing this? They're taking it the wrong way.

Taking in a breath, I met Kyle's eyes. " That's not what I meant."

Without saying anything else, I got in the car and took off making the tires skid at first.  I swear siblings know exactly how to tick you off. Ugh!

I grabbed the steering wheel tight in my hands, pressing on the gas with more pressure. It's like they were accusing me of being ungrateful for them!