Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Ambivalence (3)

1 year later
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Ambivalence: "having mixed feelings or contradictory ideas about something or someone."

Y/n's pov:
When I was young, my mother would read me fairytales where princes and princesses fall madly and deeply in love with each other. Stories where the villain was defeated and love always prevailed. I always knew deep down it was all a lie, well at least for me it was. I was never destined to save the princess or live happily ever after. I knew my birthright and what I was destined to become. A cruel villain up in her castle wreaking havoc for all those around her.

But when I met her everything changed. For some reason, I started hearing a little voice at the back of my head telling me that maybe it didn't have to be this way. I could be so much more than the cruel villain fate had willed me. For a moment I believed, she made me believe.

With the little time I had with her, it felt like I had given her a lifetime's worth of love. I was living the fairytale I had only onced dreamed of. But that's it, it was only a fairytale. The thing about love is it can selfish and unforgiving. It can bring out both the worst and best parts of you. I was on a high all the time, that's what being around her felt like but what they don't tell you is that when you're on a high you will always inevitably crash.

"She's here boss." I look up and nod my head. "bring her in and leave immediately will you. This is a private conversation." They do as they're told and before I know it there she is. I take a moment to study her, she's slightly shorter than me, wearing such casual clothing compared to her SHIELD attire. She looks... as beautiful as the day I fell in love with her. While taking a deep breath I finally face her. "Natasha" I manage to breathe out shakily. "Cut the crap y/l/n. Why am I here" She says coldly. "I need something from you." She looks at me unsure, as if everything I say cant be trusted. Actually, that's exactly what she thinks.

"Do you miss me? At all?" The question catches her off guard. She looks at me as if what I just said was the stupidest question ever to be asked of her. Maybe it is, I mean I know the answer and yet I still ask. I think a part of me wants to be proven wrong. Part of me wants her to say yes, I want her to admit that she made a mistake... I want her to still love me. And yet I know that that is not what I need. I need her to say no. I need her to tell me I was a fool to ever love her. I need to hate her so that I can finally stop loving her.
"Sometimes." Sometimes? That is nowhere near what I wanted or needed. "Excuse me?" I say sounding half amused and offended. "Sometimes I miss how we were and the simplicity of it all. We'd make breakfast and just talk. It was nice and peaceful, all the complications didn't matter in those moments, we were just two people having breakfast." The memories flood my brain, it's so painful yet heartwarming. "There was nothing simple about what we were." She nods her head "You're right."

"I need you to tell me it wasn't real, I need you to tell me it was all in my head and you never cared about me-" She hesitates to answer and I don't know if that's good or bad. She looks at me painfully. "I can't do that. I'm sorry if that's not the answer you were looking for but it is the truth." I try to say something but she cuts me off with a question. "Was what you said true? Did you really love me?" I look at her for a moment searching her eyes. "More than anything." I turn away from her not being able to look any longer.

I muster up whatever courage I have left and finally ask her. "Did you love me? You never said it and I always did, maybe I should've seen that as a red flag" I laugh at my realization "I don't know about that either. All I know is I truly did care about you."  "Just not enough," I say painfully. "Y/n I had a mission,  don't take it so personal it was just another part to play in order for me to do my job. My feelings for you... whatever they may have been... It was a mistake ok." I nod my head finally understanding. "Thank you." I say plainly "Why?" She asks confused. "You gave me what I needed" I take a deep breath before continuing "My father wants me to do something and I didn't know if I had the strength to do it," I say plainly "What does he want you to do?" She asks me cautiously, I sigh. "It's none of your concern. You can go now." She keeps her gaze on me for a little too long. "You know where to find me if you need me" Why would she say that? "Don't worry. I don't need anything from you anymore." She nods her head but it's almost as if she's unhappy with my response.

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I didn't want to write how y/n left SHIELD because I felt like it wasn't as important but if you guys wanted to know SHIELD eventually let y/n go because they realized she did nothing wrong and that she lied about selling the information!

I have a lot to say! first, I'am sorry for ghosting you guys life gets tough and yeah! But id like to say that Iam back and getting better! Second This chapter is one of my most favorite things i have ever written so i hope you like it!! I will be making a finale to this but I don't know yet if it will be the next thing I upload or if I will take a break and write another oneshot. Finally I just want to say thank you, writing has rlly helped me express myself and gain more confidence! Know that i read every one of your comments and you guys are the only reasons I continue to write even through 6 month long writers block. ALSOOO 100k READS WTF??? I STILL CANT BELIEVE THERE ARE ACTUAL PEOPLE OUT THERE READING MY STORIES I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH MWAH! ❤️

⚠️DONT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU DONT WANT SPOILERS FOR AMBIVALENCE 4 ⚠️

This is just a heads up guys I doubt Y/n and Nat will end up together if you want to try and convince me otherwise comment down below and also suggestions on how they could end up together cause me personally i rlly dont see it!