Alexandra Rose

Chapter 10

Do read the authors note at the end:)

Alexandra's POV

There used to be days I thought I was okay, or at least thought that I was going to be.

If someone asks you how you are, you're meant to say 'I'm fine'. You're not meant to say that you cry yourself to sleep every single night because of everything that's been going on in your life, or that you have no one to comfort you and tell you that everything is going to be okay.

Fine is what you're suppose to say.

When your heart is paining but it can't be treated with any medicine.

When you're so engrossed in pain that you forget happiness. You stop doing what you love, you feel lonely when you're sitting in a place filled with people.

Happy people.

There is this constant feeling, deep inside you that leaves you restless, It can only be treated by love and when you don't have that, you learn to live with it but it doesn't lessen the pain, even after years.

I feel certain that I'm going mad, I feel like I can't go through another one of these terrible days.

I feel like I can't take all this anymore, I wake up every morning, scared if I'll be able to live to see the next day.

Every night, a new nightmare.

I wake up every morning, slowly losing myself.

I feel like I can't live another day.

I have experienced extreme emotional pain; the kind of pain that would get you curled into a ball on the floor and make it hard for you to breathe.

Even when I stop crying, even when I fall asleep, I'm still haunted by him.

It'll leave a scar.

A scar no one will see.

A scar no one will know.

But it'll be there.

The world we live in, the cruel, sadistic world.

The daily sufferings and all the injustice that happens.

Everyday, I lose myself and suffer because of what some messed up human being does to me.

A few years ago was when I reached a point where I only wished for death.

When I think about it, I feel peace.

I stopped believing that maybe, someday, there will be someone that will magically appear and save me, take me away from this hell and give me the life I have always dreamed of living.

So, here I am, stood in front of the mirror, with a sharp blade in hand.

I'm tired, tired of all of this.

It hurts so much.

I bring my head up to look at myself in the mirror.

The girl who stares back at me has thick long, wavy, light brown hair going down her shoulders and her eyes are full of life.

She has a bright smile on her face, showing her deep dimples and pearly white teeth.

Her eyes are so beautiful, it sparkles with so much happiness and peace.

She doesn't have bruises everywhere, her body is smooth and clear of any scars.

She's beautiful.

She's the girl I want to be.

And soon, she disappears and is instead replaced by a girl with bruises covering every inch of her body.

Eyes dull and red with dark circles under them.