Alexandra Rose

Chapter 12

Alexandra's POV

I sigh as I let the warm water run down my sore body, my hands tightly gripping my hair where I immediately felt the frustration fade bit by bit.

My head banged the bathroom wall a few times before I stopped and rested my head there, letting the water hit my bare, scarred back.

Another day another nightmare.

It's getting tiring, having to wake up everyday from something traumatizing, having to wake up when you haven't even fully completed your sleep, having to wake up every single day, feeling more and more drained.

I want to be okay, I want to talk to someone without fearing that they might judge me, be disgusted or throw hurtful words at me. I can't talk to anyone when there's a voice inside me, telling me that no one would care about a thing I say, every day is hard to live when I have so many things bottled inside me that I can't seem to let out.

My tears mixed with the droplets of water that continued to drip down my face and body, the tears just disappearing without a thought. I wish I could do that, disappear without having to say anything.

I fear that one day this all might be too much and I'll do something that might upset everyone, because of my stupid mistake, everyone would be hurt.

But sometimes, you have to be selfish for the sake of yourself, I'm just not one of those people who puts themselves first, but instead, I'm one of those people who completely forgets about themselves because they can't bare the thought of someone else's pain.

I opened my eyes and stared at the numerous scars spread out on my wrist, each one looking identical, all except two.

These ones stood out the most out of all of them, it was more clear, more deep, it was a reminder, they all were, but these two were more of a deep reminder. Of how I lost to the pathetic voices inside my head, of how I let them control me. Of how I listened to her. Of how I listened to him. Of how I listened to them all.

I couldn't fight for myself, for my life.

It just shows how weak I am.

And with one final thought, I quickly did my shower routine and got out before changing into a pair of comfortable clothes that kept me warm and with one last glance at myself in the mirror, I left my room, not even bothering to cover the visible scars and bruises.

They've already seen them, they know what it looks like, how bad it looks, covering them wouldn't make any difference.

Walking down the stairs, I could hear everyone talking in the kitchen. With one deep breath in, I walked into the kitchen and quietly took a seat on the chair, between Elio and Ares.

"Good morning Alexandra." Evan greeted as soon as I took a seat while he served himself.

"Morning." I muttered and watched him fill my plate with a bunch of food, not caring if I would be able to finish them or not.

"Ev! I can't finish all these, they're too much!" I exclaimed and lightly pushed his hand away, before staring at the plate in front of me.

He took some of the food away and added them to his own plate before looking at mine and nodding in approval, "Finish that much, you need to start eating more Alexandra. It's not healthy for you to be this small." He said sternly.

"But-" A look from him made me clamp my mouth shut and glare at the plate filled with food.

It's not my fault I'm small, I'm used to being starved and not getting to eat everyday. And this, being forced to eat is a sudden new change that's going to take a while to get used to.