Gangster Cinderella

Chapter Thirty Six: Facing You

"Akira..." my father's name tumbles carelessly from this woman's mouth.

I clench my teeth before slapping her; she looks at me with sadness but also understanding. "That was for missing my father's funeral."

"Chieko..." Hoang starts but he's silenced by Do 'an Vien.

"It's fine Hoang, I was actually prepared for worse." She gestures to the seats across from them, "Let's sit down and discuss why we're all here." I accept Do 'an Vien's diplomacy and sit across from her with Mikey by my side. Her emerald gaze falls on my boyfriend. "And who're you?"

"I'm Chieko's boyfriend, I hope you don't mind my being here." His hand holds my shaking fist under the table.

"That's fine by me. Anyways..." she turns her attention back on me, "I know why you decided to accept my invitation but I wish to say I'm sorry for hurting you with my absence. I know saying that alone will never be enough to make up for the hurt you've probably felt in regards to me...but I genuinely want to do something to hopefully make up for it all."

"Why weren't you at my father's funeral?" The question leaves my lips and that is enough for everything I have held within me to pour out in a torrent of questions. "Why did you even have me if you weren't ever going to see me? Did me and my father mean so little..." I stop myself as I feel the threat of tears. "Just why now?"

She guiltily averts her gaze, "Your father and I were no more than kids when we had you. We were sixteen years old when we found out I was pregnant. I was way too far along in the pregnancy to get an abortion so I toughed it out while balancing high school on top of that." She finally looks at me head on, "I didn't leave you and your father because I simply didn't care...I left because I was scared and I wasn't ready to raise a child. I had so much I wanted to do with my life, so many places I wanted to see...so I chose myself over you. And I can't say that I regret that choice either. But I am sorry that my decision had hurt you."

I think on what she said for a moment. I think about if I were pregnant right now with Mikey's kid; would I have done any differently? Would I be ready to take on a child while being a child myself? While I can understand why she did what she did, it doesn't erase how it all affected me.

"I understand why you left but that doesn't lessen or change the damage done. It doesn't remove how I felt during Mother's Day at elementary school. What I felt when other mothers would show up at class for their kids. It doesn't remove the loneliness and insecurities I have felt for most of my life." I take a deep steadying breath before continuing, "I don't hate you, but you could've at least visited us..." tears well up in my eyes. "You didn't even have to live with us, I would've just been fine with you visiting us during the holidays or at least get a phone call from you...just to know that you cared...that I-I meant something. And..."

Suddenly I'm pulled into a warm embrace; this embrace is unlike any I have experienced. It's soft, warm, and smells like light vanilla perfume. Is this what hugging a mother feels like?

"I'm sorry...and you're right I should've done something for you instead of running away. I should've called...hell I should've visited you from time to time. I'm sorry you're paying for my weakness. I'm so sorry, I screwed up."

I hesitate for a moment before finally wrapping my arms around her. This warmth...had I been waiting so long for the warmth of a mother? My anger and fear is gone, all that remains is my sadness. I can't be mad at a child's mistake. She has a right to live freely and I can't hold that against her. Forgiveness is hard to give to a stranger...but maybe one day I can forgive the woman who was once a scared child carrying me for nine long months.

I pull back from her, "Let's go outside and smoke for a minute."

Mikey looks at me, "Need me to come?"

I gently touch his cheek, "No, there's some stuff I need to say to her privately. We'll be right back."

"I understand."

My mother and I leave the restaurant and go down an empty alleyway to smoke. I offer her a cigarette to which she takes, but not without commenting, "I don't know how to feel about smoking with my underage daughter."

"I need to know...did you ever once think about me and my dad?" 

She takes a long hit from her cigarette, "A lot. I thought about you two a lot. I would sometimes wonder at what kind of girl you were and if you looked more like me or Akira."

"Did you truly love my father?"

She looks at me; there's a gentle sorrow to how she's looking at me. Almost as though she can see someone else standing before her. "Yes, I did...you look so much like him. When I first saw your eyes, I couldn't help but call out his name. Whenever I look at you, it's like he's staring back at me." She glances over at the motorcycle I rode in on. "Is that your father's Yamaha Genesis?"

"Yeah..." I'm stunned at how she could've known that.

Her smile turns nostalgic as she stares at the motorcycle with fondness. "I met your father when he was riding on that bike back when we were in middle school. I was running late to class when this delinquent from my class pulled up next to me and offered me a ride to school. Since I wanted to maintain my status with the student council, I took him up on his offer. I quickly regretted that since the way he rode was terrifying to say the least. I actually vomited once we got to the school. He teased me for not handling the ride, and even when I was reprimanding him for riding like a lunatic...I couldn't actually be mad at him." She turns her attention back onto me. "Sorry for going on a tangent, that bike really brought back memories." 

"No it's fine, I'm sort of glad I got to hear that story."

My mother stomps out her cigarette, "Let's go back inside and figure out what we're gonna do about your father's bikes."

I grab her hand without thinking ask, "I need to ask you this first."

"Go ahead."

"I need to know if you're going to try and sell my father's collection...I need to know why you're offering to help me."