Love is poison, Love is paradise

Chapter 14

Hannah

Three days have passed... Three... the longest... days of my life. I lay in bed, sat in a chair, took a shower... whatever I did, tears did not stop flowing down my cheeks... only when I fell asleep... everything retreated... and then I woke up again and he was not there...

My eyes are red and swollen, my eyes are bruised, my skin is pale... it's terrible... I can't bring myself to eat... my mother brings me food to my room, but all that has got into me today is bread with my favorite napkin. Which is not so beloved anymore. Because only he is the favorite left...

Parents understood everything the same evening... To be more exact, of course, they don't know that he left me... They think that I sob because of the distance and that we separated by a mutual decision... But they made such a conclusion themselves, I didn't want and don't want to share any details.

I never called Beth back and never told anyone I was back... I haven't even gone out since the day I came home. I turned off my phone at the very moment when I heard that very music... I couldn't hear it anymore, I couldn't even look at that damned phone.

I was devastated. There is a desert inside of me. And all I feel is pain. It spills over my veins like poison and it seems that I am dying slowly.

It seems that I fell asleep once again... I wiped my eyes and tried to get up.

"Honey, are you awake already? How do you feel?" Mom looked into my room. How can I feel? I am smashed.

"You have nothing to worry about, Mom," it was stupid. Of course she's worried, and she will be worried until I get back to normal. I would like to come to her, but I don't know how to live without him.

"... I've made funchiose with vegetables... will you join us for dinner tonight?" Mom smiled a little. No. I don't want that at all. "We can just have dinner in silence..."

In silence... it's good... I don't know...

"I'm not really hungry, to be honest..." I answered.

"I understand, but one day I have to make this first step... if you know what I mean... so why not make it today?" Mom always knew how to pick up the right words.

"Okay, I will come down in 5 minutes," I gave up.

I got up and went to the mirror. Oh... disgusting. Three days in one sports suit... my hair was tangled... I combed and made a bundle on my head. It is time to go down.

It seems that my mother tried to do her best. I even put the juice glasses on the table... and the dish looked delicious... Mom put on Dad's favorite azure dress... Hmm.

"Hi, honey. I'm very glad that tonight we will have dinner with the whole family," Daddy smiled widely.

"It's a little festive, don't you think?" I noticed.

"Well..." Mom's jammed.

"Actually, it's your mom and I are having our wedding anniversary. It's been 20 years, can you believe it? Well, we weren't going to celebrate... not tonight... we just wanted to have dinner with you.," Shit. Oh, shit. Shit. Shit. How could I forget my anniversary... I felt awfully guilty... Well, a new feeling in the last three days.

"Sorry... I completely forgot... But... It's terrific. Such a number!" I tried to squeeze out a smile, but it turned out to be so.

We sat down at the table. For a while, I was picking up my plate and tried not to look at my parents.

"Dear, the funchiose is just delightful. I love the way you cook! For this, I loved you and love you!" Daddy took a cunning look at my mom.

"Just for that? Tomorrow I will serve you for divorce!" mommy played along with him.

All this was funny, but I was not impressed at all. I don't know why Daddy fell in love with Mom there, but Mom clearly fell in love with him for his American citizenship.

Mom took a hard breath:

"Hannah, my good... I have to say that her life... often gives us unpleasant surprises... and we can't get away from it... we don't have power over our heart... and sometimes feelings lead us to the place we would rather not. I can see how it hurts you. And most of all I want you to feel better. But you won't be until you let go of the situation..." well, that was a good speech, but to be honest, very irritable. Let go of the situation... what does it mean? I can't just let go and get rid of my feelings. I love him, even if he does not love me.

"The most unpleasant surprise that life gave me was my mother, who married my father only because she wanted to stay in America," I started boiling.

Mom dropped a fork and ahnulas.

"I know, we have never dealt with this situation"

"What is there to deal with? You just have to tell everything as it was. Otherwise your 20 years of marriage is just a fake," I was angry. Record. Two feelings in one evening.

"Hannah, you should behave more politely with your mother," dad looked at me angrily.

"Honey ... yes, I must confess that I was really looking for an opportunity to stay in America ... I hope you can understand ... in Ukraine, nothing kept me ... and I did not see the prospects for me ... for good grades I was sent to a language school for free ... parents wanted, so that in the future I could become an interpreter... I entered the Language Department of Philology... but when I arrived in America, I realized that I didn't want to come back and I didn't want to be an interpreter... Though it was prestigious for Ukraine. I wanted a better life for me. I wanted a better future for my children... And I decided that I would try to stay longer..."

Dad took my mother's hand, and I finally tasted the fungus.

"... So... I met your father... he was young and lonely... I must confess that he fell in love with me very quickly..."

"Alevtina was the most beautiful girl I saw! Apparently, it's the Slavic roots," exclaimed Dad, and lovingly looked at her. "She was as beautiful as her name"

"Thank you, dear. Of course, I had sympathy for Derek... He was a very nice, attentive and courteous man... But it was not love. I married him... and I didn't love him, I confess it..." she looked at Dad sadly. "But time has passed... your father and I have experienced so much... love came with time... what seemed so simple in him... calmness... responsiveness... honesty... actually planted in me a sprouts of love that grew over the years. Of course, now our father has become a more demanding, persistent and serious man. He is not that boy anymore. But, this makes me love him only more"

Well, it seemed to be fair. I am out of breath. Mom loves dad. Daddy loves Mommy. Yes, their story did not start as it should. But it is their story. And it is not my place to judge them.

"That's why I want to say... sometimes we fall in love at once... at first sight... and sometimes it takes years... And it's not always that passionate and turbulent love, which appeared suddenly, leads to such anniversaries, you know?" What was she hinting at Max and me? "I had such love... but it did not lead to anything..."

"I'm afraid to ask before or after the wedding did you have such love?" It was not fair... to be rude to my mother, but I did not want her to talk about me and Max. She does not know what happened between us.

She blushed and put her eyes down. Dad looked at Mom with interest.

"Honey, answer your daughter"

"Oh, Derek... I am afraid that you will not forgive me for my answer ... so many years have passed ... almost 20 years I keep it in me... and I am so ashamed of my feelings... for my mistake..." tears flowed down my mother's cheeks...

"Mom, what's going on?" God, I was so afraid to hear the truth. Why did I ask that stupid question? It will break Dad's heart...

"Right before the wedding, I joined a community that helped refugees from CIS countries to adapt in a new country... I wanted to help people from my home country... That's where I met Alex... you should remember him... he turned my head with one appearance... I resisted my feelings, honestly... but two months after the wedding... it happened... I cheated on you, Derek..." my mother was crying in her voice. Daddy sat with his mouth open in silent silence. "It was so my fault. Forgive me, forgive me! You are not worthy of a wife like me!!"

Wait a minute... but Mom got pregnant just soon after the wedding... What? Is life mocking me or what?