Love is poison, Love is paradise

Chapter 15

Max

It has been almost a week since Hannah left for New York. Almost a week has passed since the day I broke up with her. Almost a week since that fucking message. Fuck, yes... I did it with my own hands. I let go of the girl I loved... I took another sip of undiluted whiskey and took a long time.

I didn't just let her go explaining the situation. I acted like a real jerk. Fuck. This is very softly said. I threw it there at the airport. I sent this Fucking MESSAGE. After our first sex. Just like her ex-boyfriend. Tyler's a fucking scumbag. Why me, though. The real bastard of all time is me.

I threw a glass of under-drunk whiskey against the wall. This, by the way, was the fifth broken glass of the day. I took the bottle and threw it right off my throat. After her departure, I started drinking. I started to drink a lot. Every day. I did not go to work and probably I was already fired. But I don't give a shit. For everything. My phone has been turned off for a week. Dan came with Mark and Andy, drummed at the door. Sent them to fuck off. My mother was also coming, I had to ... on the doorstep to explain to her that she could not come in ... I did not want to scare her. There was glass everywhere, scattered things and un-washed dishes.

I started smoking. I started smoking again. I quit six months ago and did not plan to come back... But. FUCK. PURPOSE. Now it does not matter anymore. Nothing else matters. I hope I will drown myself in hatred. Because I deserve the worst. I made a choice I will regret all my life. I have offended the girl I love. And I have no forgiveness.

That night... our last night... I thought a lot. I was sure that Hannah would fly away, but I still cherished the hope that she would stay... she said she hadn't made up her mind yet. I knew how hard it was for her, I didn't want to make her choose... But I didn't know how we would be without each other... And I didn't want to know...

That night was just incredible. Sex with Hannah is like a pleasant intoxication... I was mesmerized... everything I saw and felt... only her... it was so good... she was gorgeous... oh... and how sensually she fondled me... God. I did not believe that this amazing girl was mine. All mine... that she made me happy. Only me. I swore to myself that no one would touch her anymore but me... Now she can be with whomever she wants... and this someone will be caressing her, caring... and if she is rude... Shit! I will fucking kill everyone who will hurt her.

I AM. I AM. I AM. I AM THE ONE WHO HURT HER. I punched her against the wall. Everything was boiling in her head. There were traces of blood on the knuckles.

I did not sleep in bed anymore. Because it was our bed. So far I have heard my girl's fragrance... It was so sweet and desirable... But without her it was so cold and empty... All week I sleep on the sofa if I don't fall asleep somewhere else in the apartment from terrible intoxication. I knew that I drank too much. Most likely, it is already drunk. Bags of blue color were formed under my eyes, I looked terrible, and smelled bad. But I deserved to suffer. I deserved it all.

After parting with Hannah that morning I went to work... my partner wrote that there were problems with the equipment, and in the evening we had to play somehow... As a result, we solved the problem very quickly. I didn't want to interfere with Hannah's farewell to Grandma Dee and came back home.

A Facebook video call from Derek Bell came out on my phone... it was Hannah's dad... apparently he found my page... To be honest with him I didn't want to talk to him at all, but out of respect for Hannah I had to answer the call and keep myself in control so that this person wouldn't tell me. I answered the phone.

As it turned out, Mr. Bell speaks Russian very well when he really has something to say. He was afraid and suspected that his daughter might not fly home today. Well, I answered him honestly that I did not know what decision she would make... Of course, I wanted her to stay. Of course, I understood why her dad wanted her to come home. But it was only Hannah's choice...