Chapter 41 : Nevertheless

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"To love is to destroy
And
To be loved is to be destroyed."
    
                                            - Jace Herondale

"                                                  - Jace Herondale

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I've never experienced terror before in my life. Not when I accidentally broke Ma's expensive vase. Not when I almost failed my exams.

Never in my life.

But now as I sat inside Az's car, speeding to Ellie's house I could finally understand what pure terror felt like. I could feel my fingers trembling, my heart beat erratic and the only thing that was keeping me sane was Az's hand tighty clasped in mine, his thumb drawing comforting circles on my hand.

"Elena is missing."

Ellie's mother's voice rang through my ears again and again. Never once did I expect that call to be her's. Ellie did not come home yesterday night, her phone was left in front of the door. And that's how her mother got my number.

I should have been a better friend. I should've called her instead of dressing up for a party. I should've done something. Anything.

"Raps, baby. It's not your fault, okay? Quit blaming yourself for something you had no control over, love." Az said gently as if reading my mind.

"B-but I should've atleast called or texted instead of completely ignoring her." I choked out.

"Hey, I'm sure she'll be fine." He said and pressed a kiss to my knuckles. I nodded and quietly stared out of the window, tears pricking my eyes.

I should have been a better friend, no matter what Az says I know I should have tried harder.

"I think we're here." He said and I gazed up at the huge mansion. It was not as big as Azrael's house but still looked quite expensive.

Az quickly opened my door before I could and I shrunk back into him, my body trembling.

"Love, it's alright. Every thing's going to be fine, I promise." He whispered and lightly kissed my forehead. I don't know where I would be without him. Just as we were about to walk towards the mansion another car pulled up and Mel got out along with Zach.

I did not even have the mood to tease them both together.

Mel walked forward quietly, the only indication that she was very upset was the redness of her eyes and the way her shoulders slumped other than that she was a blank canvas, as usual. Zach walked behind her, his hand on the small of her back. And I had a feeling that that was the only thing helping her stand up.

"You got a call too?" I sniffled

She nodded and squared her stiff shoulders as if readying her fighting stance but that couldn't hide the trembling of her fingers much and I watched in awe as Zach took her hand in his and gave it a reassuring squeeze and she immediately relaxed.

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