Inside the Madness of My Mind

Made Fears

I know I keep my heart locked up tight

Making it seem like I always go without a fight...

All my fears are just so painfully poignant

Making me wish I was cleverly clairvoyant!

So many trials I have yet to overcome

Wishing I had the power to overrun...

Feeling exposed wishing I could forgive

I can't help but fear an unrequited love.

Being tossed aside after being so exposed

I can't help but fear having no repose.

Wandering into the unknown

I can't help but fear being so alone.

Lost and fallen I just want to solidly stand

I can't help but fear being strickenly stranded.

My hearts so weak I wish I could get a hardy hand

I can't help but fear being so misunderstood.

All this pain held inside is certain

I can't help but fear being an unnecessary burden.

I just want to tell my tales in strong strides

But my mind is so divisively divided!

I wish I wasn't such a mystery

Then I could clearly tell my history.

I wish I could make all the fears fade

But this enigma is already made!

Inside the mind: This poem is obviously about some of my fears. The fear of liking someone full well knowing they don't feel the same. That or they are in a relationship already. Granted to be fair I feel that way about anyone I fall for. I have done it in the past several times. Thinking someone will overlook me every time. Thinking no one could ever look at me with such yearning. Thinking I never have a chance. Always expect the worse and nothing can disappoint I guess. Putting so much of yourself out there that you have nothing more exciting to say. Then they get bored of you and discard you as just a friend. Probably my biggest fear in any relationship is them finding out how boring I really am or think I am. Then deciding they want to move on to someone who is more exciting. It just leaves you feeling so alone and abandoned with no one to put that kind of trust into. The trust to hold ones heart becomes harder every time. Unfortunately I am a hopeless romantic so it is a little easier for me to fall into the trap every time. I think loneliness is a fear for most people. Sure being alone can be peaceful even for me but as a hopeless romantic I always yearn for  the companionship of someone to call my loved one. I get so lost in my head I might end up falling down not paying attention to everything around me or every sign in front of my face. Which leads me to messing stuff up. definitely makes me feel like people leave me way too often. So I am eternally grateful to all the people who do stand beside me even if I do feel stranded. Who are the hardy hands who pick me back up despite my fear of being misunderstood. Granted it still doesn't help with all the pain I can't get off my chest. I would rather unburden people burdening myself then unburden myself burdening them. If that made any sense at all. Basically if I could get over my dumb mindset maybe I would be able to speak freely my tales. Have that clear history but I am afraid the enigma that is myself is already made right now. I am saying I have no idea if I can be helped because I have screwed myself. My fears may never fade because I have already made myself. Granted I am 25 years old so that isn't quite true at all. I am still pretty young to have reached my final self. I know I still have room to grow it's just how my emotions like to make me feel.