I wish to express the excess of my feelings
Because that is supposed to be healing.
However I just can't do it normally
I can't just do it wherever
Abnormally, I just can't say it to anyone...
A strange sanctuary that is meant for mourning
Somehow it became my peace and mind every morning.
I enter and leave with nothing but respect
As the calming aura is perfect.
I've traveled every inch of those Oak Hills
Unloading all of my emotions at will!
A million times I've walked along those roads
Whenever I return I just feel safe and ready to unload.
My heart and soul has been spilled in every corner
With the dead all around to witness me as a performer.
No other place has seen my emotions at its highest peak
Except this graveyard that is full of a peaceful mystique.
It is a silent crowd as my words echo back to me
Making my heart feel more at ease and free.
The only ones to truly know my mindsets madness,
My pure elation, my deep rage, and my lost sadness!
Balto the trusty companion who just wanted to unwind
His infectious energy always shined!
The departed souls scattered everywhere resting,
The one grave I do all of my confessing!
I leave it all out to bare sharing every inch of my soul
A stroll for some sense of control in the hopes of one day being whole!
It has been a couple years since I've made the walk last,
Time has moved on and the trusty companion has passed.
Making it so hard to center oneself
As I continuously lose myself.
I can't help myself but feel like a ghost
Hidden from sight and sound lost to most.
Maybe deep inside that is what I desire
Because everything to me used to feel so dire.
Yet here I open up to the stones and wind
Where I am the harshest critic assigned.
Seeking my heart for the answers
Where I roam around searching like a dancer.
Grandpa, every walk and dance winds up in front of you
Where I lift everything off my chest in the hopes of feeling anew.
I wish I could have been as open while you were still here
Knowing your spirit still guides me allows me to persevere.
Walking those Oak Hills gives my mind clarity
While talking to you grandpa, is my therapy.
Inside the Mind: Alright the theme is pretty clear here. This is my version of therapy. Talking to the living is overrated so I'll stick to the dead. I mean after all they can't judge me. It is a safe place to vent for sure. Oak Hill Cemetery has been my safe place since I was seven years old. That is almost twenty years now. I walked Balto almost everyday in that cemetery as well from 2006 to 2017 and spottily up until 2019 when he passed away. Safe to say I've done my fair share of sharing my spirit, heart, and soul in there. From both positive and negative ones. Whether I was playing with my friends, sharing my sadness, letting the happiness escape me, or fine tuning my vocal cords. Yes I sing in the cemetery so sue me. In 2013 another layer was added to the factor. Which is the duel meaning of the poem. This poem is all about my love for Oak Hill as a place and my late Grandpa Steven Sparling who was laid to rest there. I was actually a Paul Bearer in his funeral. You know one of the people who carries the casket to the Herse and to the plot. Ever since he died I do a lot of my venting to him directly at his grave instead of just wandering around telling it to the wind. Granted I still do that as well. So if there are any spirits out in that graveyard. They know me better than any living soul on this planet. Either way I may be my harshest critic while blowing smoke to the wind. One thing is for sure every time I visit those Oak Hills I always make sure to stop by my grandpas grave leaving with my head just a little clearer.
YOU ARE READING
Inside the Madness of My Mind
PoetrySome people have suggested I put all my poems in one little package. Well I figured I should do just that. So please enjoy the poems I've written from all stages of my life since I was fourteen years old. I am going to put them in order of of well r...
