A Beast's Heart (english version)

3.

Mist crept thickly over the ground, forming a carpet that my feet broke through with every step. It matched the grey sky. It was quite chilly, so I snuggled a little more into the thin cloak. I remembered how I had sadly wandered through our now empty house back then, trying to sell all the few belongings that seemed to have at least some value. I had not been able to bring myself to stay in that house, especially since I could not keep it alone anyway. During a stormy night, the roof had been damaged, which I had never been able to have repaired. My numerous helpings in the neighbourhood would not even have been enough for half a roof. So I had used the rest of the money to get what I needed to get out of here. Just out, in another direction. The longing and the pain were just too great.
It would rain today, I knew that. But it wouldn't bother me, because I liked rain. I liked that direct, cold feeling on my skin, I imagined every time that I could wash away something of the past through it. But that was not possible, as I had to realise again and again. A devastating realisation.
I moved on and thought about it. Only very late did I notice the loud clatter of hooves and the shouts behind me.
"STOP, I SAID!"
Immediately I stopped and slowly turned around. What I saw then made my blood run cold.
On a horse, a Lannister soldier was coming towards me. Of course, I recognised that armour immediately. This disgusting red had been at the top of my hate list for five years! I would have loved to attack him, but that would have been damn difficult without weapons. On top of that, I had no idea how to fight. Why should I? I never thought I would have to be able to do that.
So I just looked up at him coldly and forced myself to calm down.
"What can I do for you?"
"My lord does not wish miserable tramps near him! You can accompany me!"
"Where to?"
"Harrenhal. There is enough work there to keep brats like you busy! You won't give us any ideas!"
I should accompany a Lannister soldier? To a bloody ruin?! What was next?
"Thank you, I'll pass."
"That wasn't a request! It was an order!"
I looked at him, still cold. I was beginning to get fed up.
"I don't take orders from a Lannister soldier! And above all, I am not a miserable tramp, is that clear?!"
Suddenly he drew his sword, jumped off and held it to my throat.
"I think I misheard you just now! You will do as I say or you will regret your decision in a moment!"
The steel was ice cold as it touched my skin. Slowly I raised my hands. If you want to survive, then follow his order, whispered a voice inside me and I narrowed my eyes irritably. I had known all too well for a long time what these monsters did to the disobedient, I had no choice. Or could I perhaps escape? A glance back and forth revealed only open, free field. The saving forest was still too far away. Escape would have been impossible, since the soldier had his horse with him. I had to admit defeat if I wanted to make it out of here alive.
"I'm waiting!" the soldier growled.
"Very well. Take the sword from my neck, please."
"There you go!" he put shackles on me, "I'll take you to the rest of the bunch, then we'll all go on together."
He held the leash and got back on the horse. Was I supposed to go after him now while he rode comfortably? He just spurred on, so I guess that meant yes.
So we walked in the direction I had come from. Over there was Callan's tavern and I immediately regretted not staying there.
"Get a move on, you stupid ass," the soldier huffed, pulling on the leash so that I almost fell forward, "We don't have forever!"
Stupid ass? Did he really think I was a boy all this time now? How convenient, it immediately popped into my head, it's a thousand times safer to travel that way! Who knows what he would have done to me if he had known he was dealing with a young woman?
Growling, I tried to keep up with his horse. I preferred the animal to its rider.
Suddenly he snatched the bag from my shoulder. Before I could protest, he had already rummaged around in it and had the bread in his hand.
"Very honourable to take away someone's last bread," I said sarcastically and the soldier shrugged.
"It's war, you take what you can get! Now shut up and move on!"
I shouldered my bag again, hoping he wouldn't notice the canteen under my cloak.
We moved on and I felt moisture clinging to my hair through the mist. A disgusting feeling! I pulled my hood over my head and fixed my gaze straight ahead.
Slowly but surely I noticed the tiredness in my legs. But the soldier remained relentless until finally, exhausted, I toppled over and fell into the mud.
"Get up," he growled and dragged me up again. Then, albeit reluctantly, he lifted me onto the horse and spurred me to a full gallop.
"This is unbearable!" he growled impatiently.
I don't particularly like being here either, I thought, and closed my eyes in exhaustion....

"Lena, help!"
I looked up. All around were bawling Lannister soldiers. Everywhere their red cloaks blew in the warm wind and their armour, gleaming in the sunlight, rattled under their movements. The shouts grew louder - and my anger grew. I rushed into the crowd, fighting my way past the many soldiers to the screams.
Now it wasn't just my family screaming. Callan and Greta were with them too. I froze completely, eyeing the scene anxiously.
"Are you guys okay?", I heard my own voice say at one point, panicked and a little too shrill.
"Don't worry, girl," Greta then replied, "Everything will be fine."
Suddenly I was grabbed and held by two soldiers, while a colossus of a Lannister soldier stood up in front of me. He was huge, even bigger than the others and his voice was sharp as a knife.
"Kill them all," he ordered the others, looking to me, "So you know what you will face if you disobey. You will do as we tell you!"
I had to watch helplessly as they slaughtered them one by one. I heard my brother screaming, I heard my mother crying. I heard Greta swear and my father growl. Callan remained silent. Anger gripped me and I began to lash out. I had to save them! I had to save my family!
Suddenly I was the twelve year old girl again. The soldiers towered over me and looked down at me with a sneer as they continued to bawl and sing their song.
"No the rains weep o'er your hall with no one there to hear. Yes now the rains weep o'er your hall with not a soul to hear" ...

"Hey, wake up!"
With all my might I landed in the mud again. The soldier must have pulled me off my horse. It was bloody cold and that cold seemed to penetrate to my bones. At least that's how it felt.
I opened my eyes in panic and looked around frantically. The crowd had disappeared, the sunlight too. We were standing at the edge of a forest. But I still heard voices in the distance.
"Where...are we?", I asked quietly, slowly straightening up. How long had I been gone? What had happened during that time??
"Some of us picked up a group heading for the wall. They are also going to Harrenhal now. And we're about to join them."
I just nodded. The images of the nightmare blocked my mind, I couldn't even think straight. I hardly noticed how we went on. It was only when I saw the increasing amount of Lannister armour that my senses slowly returned...