A Beast's Heart (english version)

16.

It was night when Lord Tywin's shouts forced their way into my subconscious and jolted me out of sleep. I had not been dreaming anything, so I knew it had only been a very light sleep. I blinked several times before hoisting myself out of bed and groping through the darkness to the door.
The hallway was somewhat lit by some torches, so I walked faster through the corridors into the lord's tower.
Tywin was no longer sitting alone at his table now, I counted six other men, including the mountain. Again the anger came up in me.
"Bring us wine and some food, girl," Tywin ordered and all pairs of eyes were on me for a moment, "But dilute the wine with water! I need my men in their right minds!"
I nodded and immediately turned to run to the kitchen.
"Lord Tywin wishes some food for himself and his men."
Margaret looked up. She was sitting by the fire. otherwise the kitchen seemed deserted.
"How many are there?"
"Seven in all."
She just clapped her hands and slowly but surely the other maids found their way back into the kitchen. They yawned and stretched sleepily. I tilted my head slightly and grabbed a bucket to get some water for the wine.
"He lifted her up in the air, the bear. Her hair, it smelled of honey heavy. She stepped on him, the maiden high. But from her hair he licked the honey..."
I sang softly to myself. A maid seemed to have heard me, for suddenly she joined in.
"And back and forth and back and forth,
He licked the honey from his hair All black and brown, full of fur he was. The bear, the bear and the maiden fair."
I looked up in confusion, a third maid joined in.
"And sweet she was, and small and her. All black and brown, the bear, the bear. Her hair, it smelt of honey heavy. From the hair the honey he licked."
It wasn't long before the song could be heard almost everywhere in the kitchen and here and there I caught glimpses of smiling faces. Apparently I had unconsciously created a positive mood. Strangely enough, it was contagious for me and so we all sang together again, this time as one.
"He lifted her up in the air, the bear. Her hair, it smelled of honey heavy. She stepped after him, the maiden high. But from her hair he licked the honey. And back and forth and back and forth,
He licked the honey from her hair. All black and brown, full of fur he was. The bear, the bear and the maiden fair."
Jeanny remained silent and watched the scene with narrowed eyes. Suddenly there came a roar from outside.
"THE LORD DESIRES SILENCE! SO SHUT YOUR MOUTHS AND WORK!"
I heard something else about "women" and laughter echoing from the corridors. Except for the sounds of work, silence fell again. The smiles stuck with most of the maids, however, and told me that I had not dreamed the scenario just now. We had formed a unit through me. I had been part of a whole again for a long time.
I took the wine mixture and brought it to the lord.
"What was that noise just now?" the Lannister growled, visibly irritated, as I walked around the table with the jug and poured for everyone.
"I started singing quietly to myself, my lord. Then the other maids joined in. It was not my intention, I beg your pardon."
In retrospect, I decided to keep that idea in the back of my mind. Maybe it could come in handy for me again.
"Just see to it that the food ends up on the table! Then you may retire for the day," he snapped me out of my thoughts and made a shooing gesture with his hand towards the door. Once again I felt like a dog to be pushed around at will.
"Yes, my lord," I replied dryly and went to feed the pack of lions.

Back in my room, I was happy to fall into bed again. Once again I felt the pain in my body, it could not be hidden forever. Exhausted, I closed my eyes. The short sleep before had of course not been enough to fully restore my strength. If anything, it had made me even more tired. If Lord Tywin hadn't called me, it might have been more functional. I hated him!
How I would have liked to have my little sheepskin with me now! It had always soothed me when I was exhausted and longed for my inner peace. But it had been snatched from me on the way to Harrenhal, just like the other things in my little bag. I tossed and turned, my body on alert. If Tywin called, I would be there in an instant. And it was this thought that robbed me of restful sleep. On the spot for a fucking beast. I didn't know how many of my principles I had already violated. Too many, I was sure. But would I still be alive if I had refused? Or would I already be rotting on the walls like all the other tortured prisoners? Would I even have made it this far?
One thing was certain: it was no longer just a question of what I wanted. With that first day, I learned that it was about much more than just escaping my shadows. I felt this beast inside me, the lion had awakened it. There were beasts among my enemies, numerous bloodthirsty monsters that killed instantly on command. Live or die, I had to be careful. I had to obey. The thought of my family reassured me. I was doing it for them. Part of the family lived inside me, along with the beast. And I would do everything to protect that part! Even if that meant obedience to the lion.
That night, the troop of Lannister soldiers around my family gained yet another addition. This time it was Lord Tywin himself, who fixed me with his icy blue eyes and made a hand gesture across his neck. I heard the screams of my parents again, but I could not take my eyes off the lord.
"Lena, help us! LENA!"
His armour glinted in the sunlight before it stained the blood of my father - or was it my mother? - stained it. The screams died away, I still couldn't move. The lion came closer to me, loomed before me and handed me a rag.
"You will wake me every morning with the sunrise. You will polish my armour. You will renounce your principles and obey me. Do you understand me?"
To my horror, I felt my head nod before I applied the rag to his breastplate and washed away the blood of my family under the Rains of Castamere....