A Beast's Heart (english version)

28.

I sighed softly and took a seat. He handed me the cutlery.
"Eat."
Hesitantly, I took the knife and fork from his hand. An odd thrill ran through me when our fingers touched. But neither he nor I elaborated.
"You're small for your age. I suppose you've never had enough to eat."
"Always enough to survive, my lord," I replied with my mouth full and swallowed, "I just seem to have stopped growing. Even if I think I'm taller than other women in my age."
"How old are you?"
"I'll be counting eighteen name days soon, my lord."
He just nodded and turned his back on me before looking out the window.
"This will be my last war. Whether I win or lose."
"Have you ever lost?"
The question had crossed my lips too quickly. Tywin turned and regarded me with a look as if I were from another world.
"Do you think I'd be where I am if I'd lost before?"
I shook my head and he nodded affirmatively before turning back around and continuing.
"The War of the Five Kings, they call it. The next few months will decide what my legacy will be. Do you know what legacy means? It's what you pass on to your children. And to your children's children. It's what's remains of you when you're gone."
He walked away from the window to the fireplace.
"Harren the Black held this castle as his legacy. The greatest fortress ever built. The tallest towers, the strongest walls. The great hall had 35 fireplaces. 35, imagine that! And look at it now. It's a damned ruin. Do you know what happened?"
I heard Arya say something about dragon fire once.
"Dragons?" was my answer, then, though it sounded more like an uncertain counter-question. Tywin nodded.
"Yes. Dragons have 'happened'. Harrenhal was built to withstand an attack from land. A million men could have stormed those walls and a million men would have been repelled. But an attack from the air? With dragon fire?", Tywin sat down and shook his head, "Harren and his sons all burned alive here. Aegon Targaryen had changed the rules of the game. That's why every child still knows his name today, 300 years after his death."
All this time I had remained silent, keeping my eyes on him. For that moment, I forgot our position and everything around us. In my head I heard battle cries and the loud crackling of fire. Tywin had piqued my interest.
"Can you tell me more?"
He took a sip of wine and tilted his head slightly.
"Aren't most girls interested in pretty maidens from the songs? For Jonquil, with the flowers in her hair?"
My eyes met his and I twitched an eyebrow.
"Am I 'most' to you, my lord?"
The big lion snorted in amusement.
"Be careful, Lena. I enjoy you, but be careful," he pointed to the plate in front of me, "Get that back to the kitchen. Eat what you like from it."
That was the signal to leave him alone. I stood up and left him behind me with his head tilted as I walked into the kitchen.
I just couldn't figure the lord out. He liked having me with him?

~~~

I looked after her, then lowered my gaze back to the table. No, she wasn't 'most'. Definitely not!
I barely noticed the corners of my mouth tugging upwards and a soft amused snort. I had to admit to myself that her manner was quite amusing after all. Grumpy and quiet on the one hand, but very impressionable on the other. But what did I expect from a simple lowborn girl? She was probably interested in everything that had nothing to do with her duties.
I put the goblet aside and turned my attention to my letters. Lena is developing quite nicely, it popped into my head. She goes about her duties as if by herself and doesn't talk back.
At least not always.
Just a moment ago I told her I would enjoy her company. Too quickly those words had left my mouth. In fact, for the first time in a long time, I felt that I was being given honest attention. At least I had been able to read this from her eyes when I told her about Harren and the dragons. And if I was completely honest with myself, I had enjoyed this moment very much.
I looked up from the table into the flames crackling softly in the fireplace to my right. I could no longer suppress this feeling of loneliness. It came over me like a sudden summer storm. How much I missed her! My Joanna...
Stop it, Tywin, concentrate! Who knows what the young wolf is planning next.
I shook my head briefly and pulled out more letters. There was no time for pain...