A Beast's Heart (english version)

17.

I awoke, as I almost always do, with a stifled cry. The dark night sky became increasingly luminous as I rubbed my eyes and blinked several times. This nightmare had been even worse than all the others. It tormented me. Everything hurt, especially my head. Nevertheless, I got up. My real work only started today, yesterday's tasks had only been the prelude.
I opened the door and stepped out into the corridor. It seemed as if all of Harrenhal was still asleep. Not a sound was to be heard, only the animals were rioting outside in their pens and seemed to be snorting in anticipation of the servants with the feed buckets.
My footsteps echoed off the huge dark walls, tearing the silence like a bear tearing its prey. Automatically, I shifted my weight a little and crept further into the dark tower.
It looked chaotic. Tywin's men were still sitting at the table, all with their eyes closed. Empty plates and wine cups lay between them, the jug had tipped over. Snores filled the air, the hearth contained only a last remnant of embers, just enough for a new fire.
A boundless transition from the picture yesterday to the one today. Only one thing was different: the lion's chair was empty. I suspected it was behind the large dark door in the corner to the left of the fireplace. Cautiously I crept there and opened it as quietly as possible.
And there he lay.
Curled up under a cosy-looking thick blanket, he lay soulfully sleeping soundly, his soft snoring reaching me. But even now he showed no sign of smiling, rather he looked even more irritable than when awake.
In one hand he held a piece of the blanket convulsively and nervously tugged at it, while he kept twitching and shaking his head. Fascinated, I stopped for a moment and watched him. He seemed to be having a nightmare. What was he dreaming about? I wouldn't ask him, he looked angry already. I didn't want to know what he was about to look like when I woke him up.
I took a deep breath and walked towards him.
"Lord Tywin... Lord Tywin, wake up!"
Jerking his eyes open and staring at me, he lashed out - stopping a hair's breadth from my face.
"Seven hells..." he faltered briefly and lowered his hand, "where am I?"
"Harrenhal, my lord. You have had a nightmare."
Briefly he looked at me in confusion, then nodded and became the stone of yesterday again. His features were hard again and his gaze indifferent.
"Get me some warm water to wash. Hurry up!"
I just nodded and turned back, again passing the sleeping men. I fetched two buckets of warm water and brought them to Tywin. He was sitting upright on the bed by now, watching me. I felt uncomfortable and did not return his gaze once. Yet I felt him. I felt him boring into me. I hated it.
"Now lay out some fresh clothes for me. Over there."
He made a hand gesture to the wall to my right. I went to a large wooden chest and pulled out a neatly folded black leather robe. It resembled the one he had worn yesterday, yet it was different. The leather was a little more tan this time and the shoulders were embroidered with light brown thread patterns.
"Get my breakfast ready. I am hungry."
"What would you like for breakfast, my lord?"
"Roast ham, some bread and wine."
With each word his voice grew a minimal touch warmer. He seemed to have been grappling with his dream until just now. How interested I was in what he had dreamed! But if I had asked, his hand would probably have landed ungently on my cheek after all.

~~~

I looked after her before slipping out of my clothes and washing myself. I almost slapped her across the face.... Get a hold of yourself, Tywin, I scolded myself. You will not raise your hand against her! Remember who you are!
Once again I cursed sleep. When I slept, I lost control. And when I lost control, she reappeared to me. As beautiful as ever. With her blonde hair and green eyes in the red and gold dress. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the images of the memory for a minimal moment - until another one pushed itself in front of my inner eye and panic broke out in me again. So much blood everywhere, in between the love of my life with her body ripped open in her last breaths. Empty eyes gazed back at me as she weakly reached out for me.
"Tywin... Ty..win..."
Over and over again softly my name as I gripped her hand in panic. Why couldn't I help her! What a terrible husband I was to let her slip away from me like that? And at what cost?!
"Take...good care of...Tyrion..."
Growling, I snapped my eyes open and angrily threw the rag against the wall. Breathing heavily, I ran a hand over my face before forcing myself to rest, dry off and get dressed. You're awake again now, focus on what's important, I thought, shaking my head in thought. You have to stay strong now! You have a war to win! For your legacy! For the family!
I turned away and entered the workroom. I could hardly believe my eyes when I saw it. My men were sleeping peacefully at the table! Apparently I was really surrounded by idiots! I had specifically ordered them to come up with strategies! You definitely didn't win a war by sleeping!
I went to my seat, waited a moment and then forcefully slammed my hands flat on the surface in front of me.
"Then when the men have slept it off, I'd like to hear some results!"
The men's eyes snapped open and they winced before turning their eyes on me.
I returned each one's gaze expectantly as I settled into my chair.
"May I assume that you good-for-nothings haven't managed anything?"
I registered the girl coming to me with a plate and a jug of wine. But my eyes were entirely on my men who were staring at the table with their heads down.
"Look, the girl has also managed to do her work! Take a cue from her!"
A long silence hung in the air, but I knew what to do now.
"If you already have no strategies to show, then let's gather all known information. By all the seven hells, once you rely on someone here, you're abandoned!" ...