A Beast's Heart (english version)

46.

Daylight penetrated ever more sparsely over the threshold of the tent. The increasing twilight dragged it away with it, while its sons, the shadows, sought their paths and spread across the world. As the night grew darker, a thought came to me that struck fear. And Lord Tywin was the one to voice that fear.
"Tomorrow's battle draws near."
I had never been so close to a battle as I was now. Of all the soldiers alive today, scurrying from tent to tent, laughing with each other, most could fall tomorrow. Dead on the ground they would lie and rot, surrounded by thousands of crows. Just as I had seen on Harrenhal. An icy shiver ran down my spine.
"You're shivering, Lena. Are you freezing?"
I turned my gaze back to the lord, who eyed me closely. I stared at my hands, unable to meet his gaze.
"Not because of the cold, my lord. I'm used to that. But the thought of tomorrow's battle worries me."
"There are only two ways it can end. Either we win and save the city, or we lose and King's Landing falls into the hands of Stannis Baratheon. Be that as it may, I am not willing to die. Even though half the world would probably drink to it. No, I cannot do that favour for the many lords of Westeros."
My stomach tightened as I imagined Lord Tywin's corpse among all the others. I shook my head, trying to push the image away. He would win, I was sure of it.
Before I knew it, Lord Tywin had placed a second goblet of wine in front of me.
"Drink. Your trembling is driving me mad."
I gazed at the deep red liquid for a long moment and my trembling became even more uncontrollable than before. I had sworn never to drink alcohol. I dreaded it.
"My lord, I don't want to..."
"What did I once teach you at Harrenhal? It shows bad manners to refuse a lord's offer. Drink before I pour it into you myself."
With a resigned sigh, I grasped the goblet and screwed up my face as I placed it to my lips. I squeezed my eyes shut as I felt the liquid more and more in my mouth. Sweet and engaging it tasted, very different from what I had always imagined. I took another sip and felt the trembling actually begin to subside.
"Listen to me," the lord spoke and I interrupted my taste excursion for a moment, "You have served me properly. You even saved my life, don't think I've forgotten about that. I am in your debt and Lannisters always pay their debts."
I set the goblet down and eyed him as he emptied his goblet, took a deep breath and continued.
"You deserve a proper home. A place where you can retire. If we actually survive this tomorrow, I'll get you a proper place in town. One that does you justice. Then you may find work that suits you and live your life as you like. Far away from the Riverlands, that's what you wanted all along, if I remember correctly."
Overwhelmed by the offer, I had to take another sip of wine to find my voice again. The cup was emptied faster than I thought, but Tywin was already refilling it. He had actually listened to me! I had wanted nothing more than a home far from the Riverlands and a life without pain. I didn't know if it was the wine that was already clouding my senses, but the longer I looked at the lord before me in his armour, the less I recognised the beast in him. From the outside, he looked the same as always, of course. Grim, his brow furrowed and a warlike glint in his blue eyes. And yet I saw something else. This was the Lord Tywin who had been suffering from fever. The one I thought had been elsewhere long ago. Perhaps I was wrong. Perhaps he had been closer to me than I had thought.
His movements snapped me out of my thoughts and he stood up.
"Please help me out of this armour, Lena."
Please?! Had he just asked me? I had certainly misheard, it was certainly the wine. Nevertheless, I obeyed and helped him out of his armour before he lay down on his cot. I quickly finished my wine before turning to leave. But to my amazement, the lion held me back.
"Wait."
Confused, I turned to him, he tapped the edge of the bed.
"You are still under my command and I desire your company until I am asleep. After that, you may leave for my sake."
So slowly and a little unsteadily I returned to him and settled myself carefully on the edge of the bed. Tywin leaned back into the pillows and eyed me for a moment.
"When I had a fever, you sat on the edge of the bed too, or am I mistaken?"
"No, my lord, that's right."
He nodded, seeming to look for some topic of conversation. But before he could find one, I glanced briefly outside into the darkness.
"It is already late and a hard battle with Stannis awaits you tomorrow. You should sleep and gather your strength for victory, my lord."
He nodded and closed his eyes as I took a deep breath and quietly hummed the Rains of Castamere. A brief hint of a grin tugged at the corners of the lord's mouth as his breaths deepened and his head fell a little to one side. The wine, meanwhile, raged inside me, further clouding my thoughts and sensations. So, completely exhausted, I thought no more about it as my body slowly sank onto the small open space next to the lion. I neatly spread the blanket over us before my strength left me and I finally fell asleep next to the usually so cold lord....