A Beast's Heart (english version)

57.

Yara was knocking off carpets in the courtyard when I joined her. Breakfast had been quiet, I had hardly eaten anything because of my excitement. My thoughts were always with Tywin, he had been sitting with his family at the time. I wondered if he was smiling. I hoped he was. I liked his smile immensely, even if only I got to see it and it was still not a habit.
Yara had dust on her sweaty forehead, single strands of hair coming loose and hanging in her face. She braced her arms on her hips and took a deep breath as she turned to me.
"Beating out carpets is so exhausting," she complained, "There are clearly nicer things!"
"Let me help you," I suggested and began tapping on the carpets in her place. Clouds of dust trickled towards me, I coughed a little.
"Seven hells!"
"Yeah, that's what I thought."
We laughed softly, then she eyed me closely.
"I think we're about to earn a break."
Her eyes twinkled as if she was trying to tell me something specific. I liked Yara, she didn't seem as demanding as the other maids. I patted the carpet firmly once more, then she grabbed me by the arm and pulled me with her into the gardens.
It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining warmly down on us and flowers of all kinds and shapes were blooming all around me. Their sweet smell attracted bees that filled the air with their buzzing. I noticed colours for the first time again. Otherwise, the world had only looked dull and grey to me.
We sat down on the grass behind a hedge.
"Are we even allowed to do that?", I asked quietly and Yara grinned mischievously.
"Why? We've never been here!"
I understood and nodded. Suddenly I was thinking. Was she a trustworthy person? Could I perhaps talk to her about the feelings that were raging inside me? After all, I didn't have to say who I felt them for.
"Yara? Can I ask you something?", I began hesitantly.
"You just did," she laughed, "But yes, you may."
"Have you ever...felt that sinking feeling when you thought about someone?"
She nodded and smiled warmly.
"You get all jittery and your thoughts seem to go into overdrive. You can't eat properly, you can't sleep and your dreams are full of one person. And then when you see him, that tingling in your stomach intensifies by what feels like a thousand times," she finished my thought and I nodded. She ran a hand through her hair and smiled broadly.
"That, my dear, simply means that you have fallen in love."
Suddenly she looked straight at me, curiosity burning in her gaze.
"Did it get you?"
I nodded curtly. Briefly, her brow furrowed and she eyed me even more.
"It's not the stable boy Ed though, is it?"
I shook my head. Then I took this opportunity to smirk cheekily.
"Are you getting jealous, Yara?"
Caught, she blinked and blushed a little. I had to grin and briefly put a hand on her shoulder in understanding.
"Please don't tell him," she pleaded softly and I nodded.
"You have my word."
We both smiled and lay down on the grass. The clouds passed over us and for a moment I felt that time seemed to stand still. I felt at ease. Tywin was doing well and in Yara I saw a friend.
"Now tell me, who is it?" she brought me back to the present.
"It's not that important."
"Do you think he might feel the same way about you?"
I stared thoughtfully at the sky, running my hand over the grass. The tips tickled lightly against my skin.
"I don't think so. I would die for him. I don't think he'd do the same for me."
"Sounds romantic!" sighed Yara, turning on her side to face me.
"You know, when you came here with Lord Tywin, there was a rumour going around about you."
I turned my head to her and returned her gaze questioningly.
"Oh, really? What kind of one?"
"It is said that you followed Lord Tywin into the Battle of the Blackwater. That you fought alongside him and were wounded."
I smiled slightly and lifted my robe a little at my left side.
"See for yourself if it is true or not."
Wide-eyed, she sat up, eyeing the long scar with fascination.
"Then it's true!" she breathed tonelessly and I nodded slowly. I sat upright too and grabbed her by the shoulders.
"Swear to me that you won't tell anyone! You don't know anything, all right?"
"You really almost died for him," she breathed, continuing to look at me in shock, "I won't tell."
"I don't want anyone to know how I feel about him."
"That's what makes me different from the other maids - I can keep silent, like a tomb. But please take care of your heart. He is a lord, I do not think it will come true what you wish."
It has already come true, I thought, but nodded. She didn't need to know we were already together. There wasn't enough trust for that yet.
"Look, now we're already keeping secrets from each other. Almost like friends!" She laughed softly.
"Having friends is a gift," I murmured and slowly stood up, "We'd better get back to work now though."
She nodded and we returned to the castle, laughing and happy.

Several days passed like this, almost two weeks. My conversations with Yara became increasingly intense and eventually I managed to confide in her the story of Tywin and me. She really became a good friend to me, I came to trust her. And in the evenings, when the castle retired to sleep, I would sneak through the empty corridors into Tywin's tower, where he was already waiting for me.
"Tywin, this game of hide and seek is getting on my nerves," I complained once. I sat with him on the bed on his lap and felt his hand stroking my back.
"I know," he had replied, gently placing a finger under my chin, "But I don't want people to talk bad about you."
"I don't want them to talk bad about you either."
I used to stay with him until just before sunrise, falling asleep beside him and dreaming along with him. For the first time in a long time I was really happy. I had a friend, I had Tywin - that's all I wanted. I had finally found peace. But it was only to be the calm before another storm....